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Author Topic: The Worst Music of All Time
Catchfire
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posted 04 July 2007 08:58 PM      Profile for Catchfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
I'm looking for a record for my daughter. For her birthday. "I Just Called To Say I Love You." Do you have it?

Oh yeah. We got it.

Great. Can I have it then?

No, you can't.

Why not?

Because it's sentimental tacky crap, that's why not. Do we look like the kind of store that sells "I Just Called To Say I Loved You?" Go to the mall and stop wasting our time.

What's your problem? What did I...Why are you --

Do you even know your daughter? There is no way she likes that song. Or is she in a coma?



What is the worst music of all time? I posited on another thread that The Beach Boys have the unique distinction of producing both the best (Good Vibrations) and worst (Kokomo) pop music singles of all time. Why is Kokomo the worst ever? Is it really a worse song than, say, "You're Beautiful" by that douchebag whatisface? Because you know that the Beach Boys have it in them. Empty pop singles get recorded and endlessly played every day so it's hardly fair to call any of them "the worst." In my opinion, it's those that let you down, that punsih you with their awfulness that really deserve the label of "worst ever." Any babbler musicologists care to offer their "most worst" and why?

As fodder for the question, to complete the theme:

quote:
Rob, top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?

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farnival
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posted 04 July 2007 09:37 PM      Profile for farnival     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
any and all Christmas music.
From: where private gain trumps public interest, and apparently that's just dandy. | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Steppenwolf Allende
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posted 04 July 2007 10:13 PM      Profile for Steppenwolf Allende     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Any and all Disco or techno-disco.

Preppy yuppie pop tunes, such as:

Never mind. I don't even want to think of them just now.


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Catchfire
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posted 04 July 2007 10:18 PM      Profile for Catchfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Preppy yuppie pop tunes

Pretty classist for a Marxist, no? Why are the songs of the great unwashed worse than the six-string bassists of the world?

Now, I'm not saying she's a gold digger, but...


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jas
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posted 04 July 2007 10:27 PM      Profile for jas     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
There's a lot of bad pop rock out there: bland, forgettable, formulaic non-hits. B-sides with inane, derivative lyrics by bands that never made it, by bands that had a hit or two but that's all, and by more successful bands. Uninspired album-filler. The kind of songs that you sense the players themselves don't even enjoy.

A simple definition of bad music could be: music that doesn't outlast its era.


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Steppenwolf Allende
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posted 04 July 2007 10:44 PM      Profile for Steppenwolf Allende     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Pretty classist for a Marxist, no? Why are the songs of the great unwashed worse than the six-string bassists of the world?

You notice I said "preppy YUPPIE pop tunes.Ē Most yuppies actually are part of the great unwashed, but they try really hard to pretend they're not (often spending all kinds of money they donít have to do so).

That's why there is that whole culture around listening to boring uninspiring Club Med/Private resort courting music like:

Copa Cabana--Barry Manillow

YMCA--Village People (or anything else they ever did. Burning albums is excusable at this point)

A goofy tune--don't know the artist or title (and don't care to) that goes, "Hands up, baby hands up. Gimmie gimmie your heart, gimmie gimmie your heart."

again artist and title unknown that goes: "If you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain..etc." Yuppie MOR pap to the max.

You get the picture.

As a Marxist and one-time pro-musician, it bugs me when I see musicians and musical trends that are based on core working class blues trying to get into a mellow pacified rut that is anti-blues. the above tunes do just that.

BTW, Jack Bruce, of the 1960 psychedelic blues band Cream, is one of the best six-string bass players around.


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-=+=-
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posted 04 July 2007 11:30 PM      Profile for -=+=-   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Catchfire:
The Beach Boys have the unique distinction of producing both the best (Good Vibrations) and worst (Kokomo) pop music singles of all time.

That is not quite accurate. Good Vibrations was Brian Wilson's masterpiece (he called it his "pocket symphony"). He had nothing to do with Kokomo; which written by some of the other Beach Boys (who tour without him) and some industry pros.

I guess the difference is taste and lack of taste. Wilson had it in spades.


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Catchfire
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posted 05 July 2007 06:35 AM      Profile for Catchfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by -=+=-:
That is not quite accurate. Good Vibrations was Brian Wilson's masterpiece (he called it his "pocket symphony"). He had nothing to do with Kokomo; which written by some of the other Beach Boys (who tour without him) and some industry pros.

Is John Stamos an "industry pro"? Probably...

Obviously, my claim is a little stretched, but I think it's a bit amusing. Brian Wilson, however, certainly did tour and perform Kokomo with the Beach Boys, and he certainly wasn't exempt from writing bad music in the 80s and 90s during his difficulties.

And despite however we may think about Christmas, isn't there some really lovely Christmas music? "O Holy Night" comes to mind.


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Boom Boom
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posted 05 July 2007 06:40 AM      Profile for Boom Boom     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Disco sucks.
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Boom Boom
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posted 05 July 2007 06:44 AM      Profile for Boom Boom     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I used to really hate hearing folksinger David Whiffen, because I found him pretentious and shallow. I felt the same way about Janis Ian. Haven't heard from either of these two for about twenty years or so. Thank goodness.
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Martha (but not Stewart)
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posted 05 July 2007 06:48 AM      Profile for Martha (but not Stewart)     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The worst song by two of the greatest songwriters: Ebony and Ivory, by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. Trite pap.
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Catchfire
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posted 05 July 2007 06:55 AM      Profile for Catchfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Ick. And the almost as bad, but kind of hilarious "The Girl Is Mine" from Thriller.
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Tommy_Paine
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posted 05 July 2007 07:25 AM      Profile for Tommy_Paine     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
All very good mentions, above here, that I can't take issue with.

The local classic rock station had a contest to name the worst twenty songs of all time. The one I picked , "Muscrat Love" by Captain and Tenille, came second.

Rather unfairly, they chose Tiny Tim's "Tip Toe Through the Tulips" as the worst all time. Unfair, because I think novelty songs should have been exempt.

There's a number of depressing Beatles tunes I would put up there. "Yesterday", "Long and Winding Road", and "Elanor Rigby" are ones I can't stand.

But to really get down to it, I would have to put that Harry Chapin song about the taxi driver and call girl at the top, perhaps. Although it didn't, mercifully enough, get the air play my folky friends gave it when I was in high school.

Along those lines, that "Cat's in the Cradle" song is a real wrist slitter, as is almost anything by Crosby Stills and Nash. "Ohio", the subject of which could have made a great protest song, just turned into a dirge. And "The road to Marakesh" annoys me to no end.

Then there's America's "Horse with no Name".

There are others I have blessedly forgotten, no doubt.


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Stargazer
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posted 05 July 2007 07:53 AM      Profile for Stargazer     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
All "nu-metal" I am so glad this fushion of rap and rock is finally gone. Far too aggro, pretentious and just plain stupid.

Black metal, with it's crazy obsession with "underground" - whiny high voices and horrible lyrics which sound operatic and speedy at the same time. Trying to be cool and failing miserably.

Manowar - why oh why does anyone care about this crap? I'll add the totally irrelevant Thor into this same genre as well.

John Mayer - horrible, horrible, horrible!

Any and all Barry Manilow.

Fake Goth music disguising itself as good, like HIM and Dimmu Borgir. Really just crappy death metal.

[ 05 July 2007: Message edited by: Stargazer ]


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Farmpunk
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posted 05 July 2007 08:34 AM      Profile for Farmpunk     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"Disco sucks."

Didn't figure BoomBoom for a DOA fan.


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Boom Boom
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posted 05 July 2007 08:39 AM      Profile for Boom Boom     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 

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quelar
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posted 05 July 2007 09:45 AM      Profile for quelar     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
No one's mentioned any new country?

I nominate ALL of it.

I would also like to put Nickleback in there as 'worst Canadian Artist' - although, I really don't know why anyone attributes the label of 'artist' to them.


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Stargazer
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posted 05 July 2007 10:05 AM      Profile for Stargazer     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Just how bad is Nickleback! Horrible stuff. Same with Theory of a Deadman and all those knock off watered down pretend grunge bands ripping off Pearl Jam and Soundgarden. I listened to "The Edge" (the worst station in Toronto) for 30 minutes and I thought they were playing songs from one band. Turned out they were all different bands who sounded the same.

Did you know Peterborough had a Nickleback Day?? I kid you not!

Oh before I forget, the other genre of worst music ever is that punk pop crap - Sum41, Blink182 and the rest of that garbage.


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Catchfire
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posted 05 July 2007 10:20 AM      Profile for Catchfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Man, is Nickelback bad. They suck so hard they bend light.

And yes, those "punk" bands that probably never stole London Calling in their life drive me batty. Luckily, I don't seem to be anywhere where their music is played. The Dead Kennedys are probably thinking about ways to have them all shot.


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quelar
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posted 05 July 2007 10:31 AM      Profile for quelar     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Catchfire:
Man, is Nickelback bad. They suck so hard they bend light.

That's worth a Hall of Fame Mention


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Michelle
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posted 05 July 2007 10:55 AM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Catchfire:
Ick. And the almost as bad, but kind of hilarious "The Girl Is Mine" from Thriller.

Oh no. Sorry, that song is not "almost as bad" as anything. There is NOTHING worse than that song! Some songs tie it, I'll give you that.


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Farmpunk
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posted 05 July 2007 10:57 AM      Profile for Farmpunk     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Sorry, Boomer, I thought that someone would pick up on it: DOA.
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Frustrated Mess
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posted 05 July 2007 11:01 AM      Profile for Frustrated Mess   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"Afternoon Delight"

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
a little afternoon delight.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Please be waiting for me baby when I come around.
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.


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jas
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posted 05 July 2007 11:14 AM      Profile for jas     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Catchfire:

And yes, those "punk" bands that probably never stole London Calling in their life drive me batty.


Like London Calling is the quintessential punk album?? Lots of schlocky, forgettable tunes on that one.


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Catchfire
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posted 05 July 2007 11:17 AM      Profile for Catchfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
!!
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Boom Boom
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posted 05 July 2007 11:20 AM      Profile for Boom Boom     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Farmpunk:
Sorry, Boomer, I thought that someone would pick up on it: DOA.

Punk bands have their own website? Selling out to the Man, ain't they?


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jas
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posted 05 July 2007 11:21 AM      Profile for jas     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
seriously.
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Catchfire
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posted 05 July 2007 11:32 AM      Profile for Catchfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I'm afraid that opinion is not widely held, but you're welcome to it. That album is punker than punk and 100% awesome.

I have no idea what song you could be referring to that is "schlocky," let alone several. But, to each his own, I guess.

Also, it has the greatest cover photograph in rock and roll.

[ 05 July 2007: Message edited by: Catchfire ]


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jas
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posted 05 July 2007 11:42 AM      Profile for jas     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Maybe schlocky isn't fair. The album is rock n' roll.

Don't get me wrong, though. I loved it in its time (well, a fair bit after its time, in my case), still do.

Yeah, great cover.


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Boarsbreath
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posted 05 July 2007 07:48 PM      Profile for Boarsbreath   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The criticism all begins & ends there, approving and disapproving. It's rock 'n' roll. The Clash were a great rock 'n' roll band who spoke punk.
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jas
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posted 05 July 2007 08:31 PM      Profile for jas     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I'm not disapproving, I'm just nit-picking. But just to make sure I wasn't off my rocker, I did a few Top Ten/Top Fifty searches for top punk albums of all time. London Calling does not make it onto any of these lists. The Clash's earlier self-titled LP (The Clash), however, does.

I definitely remember liking London Calling a lot better twenty years ago than I do now, so my earlier opinion was perhaps a little peevish. Still, I think there are a whole number of other albums that would claim punk rock 'quintessence' before this one.


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Catchfire
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posted 05 July 2007 09:56 PM      Profile for Catchfire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I don't understand that at all. Anyone who can say "Brand New Cadillac" is not punk needs to seriously revisit their assumption of the genre. Not to mention The Clash initiated punk's love affair with ska and reggae.

And more than all of this, is the album's adherence to why punk began in the first place. It's anti-establishment method of distribution (two albums for one price, tricking record company execs in the process), its mocking of the trendiness of punk music (The Sex Pistols were poseurs. Joe Strummer is the real deal, man) and its ability to speak social change through any kind of musical genre. That's punk in its purest, and I'll never understand any argument to the contrary.


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Tommy_Paine
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posted 06 July 2007 06:44 AM      Profile for Tommy_Paine     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Well, it's "The Clash's" version of punk, and it was a good one, but seems to owe more to "The Sex Pisols" than it does the arch punk progenitors, "The Ramones".

The Ramones were about putting fun back into rock by making it much more organic and spontaneous.

And that was so sorely needed back in the over produced, a year in the studio albums and mindless disco drivel that dominated the era.

The punk rocker as social commentator/activist is something "The Clash" excelled at. But I do believe if the "Sex Pistols" were not the best at it, they may have been the first.

I'm glad someone mentioned Nicklecreed, and Theory of a Dead Creed above.


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remind
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posted 06 July 2007 07:19 AM      Profile for remind     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Purple People Eater, hated it when being forced to listen to my sisters music and hated it again in 1988.

quote:
"Purple People Eater" is a song whose style is very much of its time and genre, reflecting both the simple early rock and roll that was hugely popular and the public fascination with flying saucers and aliens. The lyrics tell how a monster (described as a "one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater") descends to earth because it wants to be in a rock 'n' roll band.

It was used as the basis of a feature film in 1988, with a cast that included Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Ned Beatty, Shelley Winters, Thora Birch, Neil Patrick Harris, Little Richard, Chubby Checker and Wooley himself.

The song led to the nicknaming of the Minnesota Vikings defensive line of the 1970s as well as the colloquial nickname (Purple People Bridge) for the Newport Southbank pedestrian bridge between Cincinnati, Ohio and Newport, Kentucky


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_People_Eater


From: "watching the tide roll away" | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
jas
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posted 06 July 2007 08:09 AM      Profile for jas     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Catchfire:
Anyone who can say "Brand New Cadillac" is not punk needs

Actually that was going to be my example of how the album is so rock n' roll.

But then, even the Sex Pistols sound a little ho-hum after a couple decades of speedcore, thrash, death metal and grunge


From: the world we want | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
jas
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posted 06 July 2007 08:15 AM      Profile for jas     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
PS: and saxophones in "punk" music? Umm, no.
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Lard Tunderin' Jeezus
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posted 06 July 2007 08:18 AM      Profile for Lard Tunderin' Jeezus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Of course saxophones in punk music!
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Lard Tunderin' Jeezus
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posted 06 July 2007 11:17 AM      Profile for Lard Tunderin' Jeezus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
BTW, one can't really discuss bad music until one has met The Shaggs....

[ 06 July 2007: Message edited by: Lard Tunderin' Jeezus ]


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