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Author Topic: reductio ad Keanum
rasmus
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posted 30 July 2003 01:19 AM      Profile for rasmus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The essence of Keanu

quote:
Keanu Reeves is, undeniably, a terrible actor. So how is it that this performer with limited skills gets to star in hot movies such as The Matrix, and this summer’s The Matrix Reloaded? The answer is that he’s hardly given any lines and when he is, it’s gems like, “Oh shit. Oh shit, shit.”

Toronto theatre director Kim Blackwell has taken all of Reeves’s lines from the first Matrix movie and used them to create a monologue, Kim Blackwell starring as Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. In the piece, Blackwell, decked out in sunglasses, pleather pants, vest and leather jacket, reads all of Reeves’s dialogue from the movie in order.

The idea came to her a few years ago when she was watching the movie and realized the lead character has hardly any lines, and most of them are in the form of nonsensical questions. Going through them she discovered that, when read alone, the lines take less than 10 minutes to perform.

Blackwell’s performance is redemption for every bad Keanu performance you’ve ever had to sit through. She exposes Reeves’s stardom as little more than an example of celebrity branding. “He can’t act,” she says, “and it does beg the question, what skills are required to be ‘a star’?”

In the performance, Blackwell holds the audience in suspense, pausing in between lines. The tension builds. This line is going to be longer we think, this one will be intelligible. But, sadly no. Catch Blackwell doing her version of Neo in Peterborough, Ontario this summer. —Arianne Robinson


[ 30 July 2003: Message edited by: rasmus_raven ]


From: Fortune favours the bold | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Doug
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posted 30 July 2003 01:25 AM      Profile for Doug   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I wonder how many times "WHOA!" appears in that script?
From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Jimmy Brogan
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posted 30 July 2003 01:56 AM      Profile for Jimmy Brogan   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
“He can’t act,” she says, “and it does beg the question, what skills are required to be ‘a star’?”

It's not a skill but he is very easy on the eyes. I thought he looked his best in Speed, which would probably make another good essence of Keanu monologue

[ 30 July 2003: Message edited by: JimmyBrogan ]


From: The right choice - Iggy Thumbscrews for Liberal leader | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
rasmus
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posted 30 July 2003 02:08 AM      Profile for rasmus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Yeah she was a bit thick on that point. He can't act, so how does he keep getting parts. Um -- hello?!!

I've heard from two reliable sources in the last week that those rumours about Keanu's being gay (such rumours I always discount when I hear them, it's so often wishful thinking) are in fact true.

Yeah, Speed would make another minimalist Keanu monologue. If I would Keanu I would short circuit this by doing my own compilation monologue and then making it a video installation or something. Philip Glass could do a soundtrack for it. (Is he alive even?)


From: Fortune favours the bold | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
meades
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posted 30 July 2003 02:27 AM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
This is pure gold!

And I'm glad that it's now a universally accepted reality that he can't act. It's nice to have everyone on the same page once in a while, even for something so inconsequential as this.


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Mycroft_
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posted 30 July 2003 02:30 AM      Profile for Mycroft_     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The reason the casting of Keanu Reeves in Speed worked is because most cops sound like bad actors.
From: Toronto | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Willowdale Wizard
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posted 30 July 2003 07:50 AM      Profile for Willowdale Wizard   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Going through them she discovered that, when read alone, the lines take less than 10 minutes to perform

kind of like when they splice together all the actual action ball-moving bits of NFL football?

some movie stars don't need to speak. steve mcqueen and harrison ford spring to mind. ford seems to have made a rather long career around not speaking long monologues in films and letting presence, bullwhips and action say it for themselves. like, there was nothing wrong with "witness", but it's an exception in his career.


From: england (hometown of toronto) | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Mandos
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posted 30 July 2003 11:17 AM      Profile for Mandos   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Philip Glass is quite alive and kicking.
From: There, there. | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Black Dog
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posted 30 July 2003 11:46 AM      Profile for Black Dog   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Why not do a "Keanu's greatest hits" monologue?

I'm an Eff-Bee-Eye agent!

He can't act and as a result his best roles are the ones where he doesn't even try (Speed, The Matrix, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure).


From: Vancouver | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sisyphus
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posted 30 July 2003 12:37 PM      Profile for Sisyphus     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I'm going to come out in defence of Keanu. I agree that most of his later "work" was hopeless, though I think his attempt at an English accent in "Dracula" has only been surpassed once in movie history: Dick Van Dyke in "Marry Poppins".

However, in the great film "The River's Edge", Keanu's mumbling lack of charisma and absolute absence of anything resembling vitality is perfect for the character, an alienated teen, constantly stoned, who is, like his peers, dispassionate about everything.


From: Never Never Land | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 30 July 2003 12:42 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The River's Edge is, indeed, a great film. But it's so bleak it's in that category of great films I plan never to see again.

He was also well cast, I thought, in My Own Private Idaho. Prince Hal (I forget the actual character's name) is acting a part almost all the way through anyway, i.e. pretending to be a badass bohemian instead of the ruling-class thug he actually is. Keanu's wooden style seemed appropriate to both, somehow.

[ 30 July 2003: Message edited by: 'lance ]


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Briguy
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posted 30 July 2003 12:58 PM      Profile for Briguy     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Just out of curiousity, did anybody see Little Buddha? I didn't, primarily because of the Keanu casting.
From: No one is arguing that we should run the space program based on Physics 101. | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Black Dog
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posted 30 July 2003 01:34 PM      Profile for Black Dog   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Little Buddah was alright, mostly in spite of Keanu.

My personal favorite Reeves film is "Feeling Minnesota", a film which I thought received an unfair amount of crticial dissing. Keanu makes an excellent bumbling moron for some reason...


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badlydrawngirl
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posted 30 July 2003 04:29 PM      Profile for badlydrawngirl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
wow, i forgot all about 'the river's edge'. brilliant movie. can't remember what keanu's performance was like, but if it was anything like what came after then it must've been sh*t-on-a-stick.

as for kim blackwell's idea - BRILLIANT!


From: toronto | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
swallow
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posted 31 July 2003 12:14 AM      Profile for swallow     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Saw Kim Blackwell perform this at a benefit recently. As the MC said, "Mainly, I'm jealous she thought of it first."
From: fast-tracked for excommunication | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Michelle
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posted 31 July 2003 07:11 AM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Willowdale Wizard:
kind of like when they splice together all the actual action ball-moving bits of NFL football?


From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
scrabble
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posted 07 August 2003 05:09 PM      Profile for scrabble     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I'm still unable to kick Keanu ever since JimmyBrogan said Keanu Reeves is giving away millions to crew of Matrix sequels. A pinko penthouse ex-roomie (not 'lance) went to highschool with him in Toronto; she said he mostly kept to himself, and always had a basketball in hand.
From: dappled shade in the forest | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Tackaberry
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posted 09 August 2003 12:34 PM      Profile for Tackaberry   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I like his acting style. He s not doing Shakespeare, you did realize that when you watched the films right? Besides acting is more than speaking. His kinetic acting (what is the word?) body language is always good.
From: Tokyo | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
rasmus
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posted 09 August 2003 01:26 PM      Profile for rasmus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 

Keanu, playing Don John in the screen adaptation of Shakespeare's "Much Ado about Nothing".

Also, he has appeared as Hamlet on the stage.

And he has played other parts that required acting, for example, in Dangerous Liaisons. It's all these parts that have exposed his inability to act.


From: Fortune favours the bold | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
batz
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posted 10 August 2003 12:23 PM      Profile for batz     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Keanu is a genius. It takes a while to figure it out, but when you do, Woah.
From: elsewhere | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
rasmus
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posted 10 August 2003 07:44 PM      Profile for rasmus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Haha, I'm willing to give that idea a whirl, but only because it's you, batz.

Is that like the moment I realized, far from being the absolute worst Kid in the Hall, that Kevin MacDonald was a comic genius?


From: Fortune favours the bold | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tackaberry
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posted 10 August 2003 11:36 PM      Profile for Tackaberry   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Doh!
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batz
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posted 21 August 2003 10:51 PM      Profile for batz     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Rasmus, very similar.

"Office? Submarine!"


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al-Qa'bong
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posted 21 August 2003 11:58 PM      Profile for al-Qa'bong   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 

From: Saskatchistan | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged

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