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Author Topic: Favourite Simpsons-isms
Jared
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posted 15 August 2001 10:58 PM      Profile for Jared     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Okay, this thread has crash-and-burn potential, but after being TV-less for the better part of the last four months, I saw an episode of the Simpsons at a friend's place last night. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I didn't stop laughing for the entire half-hour. Anyway, any lines/scenes you find memorable, put them here. I'll start:

(Bart and Lisa watching an "Amendment" cartoon, which is a parody of that Schoolhouse Rocks bit from the seventies with the Bill on the steps of Congress. By the way, the cartoon is hysterical in and of itself)
Bart: What the hell is this?
Lisa: It's one of those campy seventies throwbacks that appeals to generation x'ers.
Bart: We need another Vietnam; thin out their ranks a little.


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grrr
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posted 16 August 2001 01:09 AM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I think I'm going to very much enjoy this thread.

One of my favourites is Homer watching PBS:

Announcer: With your donation, you'll receive this classic PBS tote bag.

Betty White: Or this umbrella -- featuring a picture of our classic tote bag.

Announcer: And the next twenty callers will get this album of museum noises. Now your music room can sound just like the Metropolitan Museum in New York. Outstanding.

Homer: Why are you torturing me? I'm just a man!


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meades
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posted 16 August 2001 02:35 AM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
But I don't even believe in Jebus

<later on>

SAVE ME JEBUS!


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meades
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posted 16 August 2001 02:37 AM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
sorry for the double post, but I have bell expressvu, and if it pleases you, you could use that satelite to watch simpsons 24 hours a day! It's my little paradise within a house

I'll have some better ones tommorrow after my daily dose of simpsons.


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grrr
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posted 16 August 2001 02:44 AM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 

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rasmus
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posted 16 August 2001 02:46 AM      Profile for rasmus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Meades, I dunno, I thought that jebus episode was one of the more surreally dumb. In fact, it was the "worst episode ever."

Are we still friends?


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grrr
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posted 16 August 2001 02:48 AM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
You, think so? Really? I laughed myself sily at the beginning when Homer was being chased by laser firing Teletubbies.

And then: What kind of a God makes an Ace both a one and an eleven?


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rasmus
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posted 16 August 2001 03:32 AM      Profile for rasmus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Well grr I'm assuming you got the "worst episode ever" joke and its genesis... but I don't actually think that was the worst episode ever, though I do think it was a pretty bad one. I think it's pretty clear that the last couple of seasons have seen a lot of floundering and increasingly desperate story lines. Mind you, there are always great moments. Too many to choose the best one.

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: rasmus_raven ]


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905er
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posted 16 August 2001 07:58 AM      Profile for 905er     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Great thread -- one of my all-time faves was their skewering of SUVs. They ran a television commericial for a fictional SUV called the "Canyonero". Here's how it went ...

Voice 1 (Quickly, and in the background):

The Federal Highway Commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.

Voice 2 (sung by Hank Williams, Jr. himself):

Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, sixty-five tons of American pride, Canyonero, Canyonero!
Top of the line in Utility Sports, unexplained fires are a matter for the courts, Canyonero, Canyonero!
She blinds everybody with her super-high beams, she's a squirrel squashin' deer smackin' drivin' machine,

Canyonero, Canyonero! Woah Canyonero! Woah!!!!

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: 905er ]


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grrr
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posted 16 August 2001 10:01 AM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Yeah, rasmus_raven, I have kind of noticed the edge seems to have gone off a bit. There are always some bright moments that keepp me a loyal fan. And maybe, just maybe, the edge will return.
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Trinitty
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posted 16 August 2001 10:22 AM      Profile for Trinitty     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Standing outside of house, squad car drives past, spotter planes roars overhead.

Homer: That Bear patrol is working great!

Lisa: That's specious reasoning Dad.

Homer: Thank-you honey.

Lisa: With that logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.

Homer: Really, how does it work?

Lisa: It doesn't.

Homer: Uh-huh,

Lisa: It's just a rock.

Homer: Uh-huh

Lisa: But, I don't see any tigers around, do you?

Homer: Lisa, I would like to buy your rock.

She shruggs and takes the money.


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Trinitty
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posted 16 August 2001 10:27 AM      Profile for Trinitty     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
From memory, it's a little spotty.

Homer on one of his hair-brained schemes, talking to Bart and Lisa.

Homer: There was another man that had wild hair and some crazy ideas,.. and that man's name was.... I forget. But the point of the story is..... I forget that too. Marg, you know who I'm talking about, he drove that blue car?


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grrr
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posted 16 August 2001 10:31 AM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Also from memory:

Apu: I have told you many times in the past not to handle the merchandise. Now you force me to tell you nicely again.


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Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 16 August 2001 10:31 AM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Homer : "Kids, Kids! I'm not gonna die! That only happens to bad people!"
Bart : "What about Abraham Lincoln?"
Homer : "Err...He sold poisoned milk to school children!"

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Trinitty
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posted 16 August 2001 10:46 AM      Profile for Trinitty     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Krusty,

"HEY-HEY!!!" Looks behind him at curtains, "K.K.K.?! Ooohhh THAT ain't good!"


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Trinitty
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posted 16 August 2001 10:49 AM      Profile for Trinitty     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Ralf to his parents,

"They were in the closet making babies, and I saw the babie, and he looked at me."

Wiggam "He LOOKED at you?" Picks up reciever of phone, "Sarah, get me Super Intendant Chomlers!"

Wife leans over and pushes buttons on phone.

Wiggam "Thank you Sarah."


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Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 16 August 2001 11:54 AM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
I think it's pretty clear that the last couple of seasons have seen a lot of floundering and increasingly desperate story lines.


The last two seasons have indeed suffered from poor writing. The episodes no longer have a coherent story-arc. The stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. They just pack as much "action" and pop culture references into an episode as they can.

The worst example was when Homer is stressed out so they go on vacation to Florida. But they discover it's spring break. Ok, so you think the episode's going to be about Homer's escapades during spring break right? But then Homer accidentally kills an alligator and the family goes to jail. So, the story's about the family in jail then? But THEN they break out and decide to live like hillbillies! So the story's about hillbillies?! What?! The audience can't keep up.

The writing needs to be more focused.


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lisa
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posted 16 August 2001 12:05 PM      Profile for lisa     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
but i think that's part of the appeal of the show lately... you can watch an episode over and over and over again, and not remember how it ends, or even what it's about. i think in the world of cartoons you don't need a linear storyline.

"don't ask me... i'm just a girl!"


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Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 16 August 2001 12:10 PM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Disagree entirely: Just because it's a cartoon, it doesn't mean you get to slack off on the writing.

Besides, very few people disagree that the older episodes were superior to the newer ones.


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Trinitty
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posted 16 August 2001 12:38 PM      Profile for Trinitty     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Agreed M'boy.

The worst one I've seen lately? The Maud-land episode. It wasn't funny. I find the humour around the death of Maud not only tasteless, but just not ... funny. I didn't laugh at all.

Except for the opening scene of the ice cream. Rev. Lovejoy: "We even have Unitarian flavour." Lisa: "But there's nothing in there." Rev. smugly, "Exactly."


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Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 16 August 2001 12:40 PM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I thought the wood-chipper (excuse me, the "sorting machine") was pretty funny in that episode.
From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
rasmus
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posted 16 August 2001 12:42 PM      Profile for rasmus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Death of Maude (sp?)... well, that is the most popular choice on jumptheshark.com for when the Simpsons jumped the shark... I'd have to agree.
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Michelle
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posted 16 August 2001 12:43 PM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Rasmus, you blaspheme! The PBS episode was a scream - I couldn't stop laughing the whole time. Maybe it's funnier when you have a 2 year old and you WISH the teletubbies and Big Bird were evil. And I almost busted a gut at the "save me jebus" line. Once Homer was on the island, it went downhill from there on, I agree. Oh, and another one from that episode:

Homer: Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
Pastor: I wish I had never taught him that word...

Edited to say - Rasmus, don't forget that on the Jump The Shark website, most people agree that the Simpsons hasn't jumped yet...

(Unless that's changed sometime in the last month or so)

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: Michelle ]


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grrr
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posted 16 August 2001 04:16 PM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Except for the opening scene of the ice cream. Rev. Lovejoy: "We even have Unitarian flavour." Lisa: "But there's
nothing in there." Rev. smugly, "Exactly."

I liked that too. There are anumber of good natured shot at Unitarians in many of the episodes.

Mrs. Lovejoy: I'll just take that -- [sees empty collection plate][gasps] Everyone turn around and look at this!
Abe: What is it? A Unitarian?


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paperdoll
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posted 16 August 2001 04:34 PM      Profile for paperdoll     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
on the march against bears...

homer: we're here, we're queer, we don't want anymore bears!

town-person: hey, homer, where'd you get that chant?

homer: oh, i heard it at the annual mustache parade.

oh, and the part of the episode "behind the laughter" where they're flashing stuff across the screen to show the simpsons' excesses, and the words at one point say:
SEX
DRUGS
MILHOUSE

love love love that.

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: paperdoll ]


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grrr
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posted 16 August 2001 04:39 PM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Trinitty,

Spotted outside a Unitarioan church in Toronto:

"Keep the company of those that seek the truth; avoid those who say they have found it."

Pretty good application across the board, I think.


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Slick Willy
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posted 16 August 2001 04:47 PM      Profile for Slick Willy     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Homer:"It's just a little bit airborne!" "It's still good. It's still good."
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meades
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posted 16 August 2001 06:25 PM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
My memory is a bit spotty, but here's another shot at the Unitarians

Tribesperson: There are so many different religions, which one is the right one?

Homer: I don't know, except for the Unitarians. If they're the one right religion I'll eat my hat!

Also:

mob godfather (not fat tony): Thank-a you so much for bringing such joy to this old Italian stereotype.

Also, I'd say the 'Simpsons go to Africa' episode was by far, the worst.


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meades
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posted 16 August 2001 06:27 PM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Betty White: In fact, anyone who watched even one second of PBS programming without contributing is a common theif!!!!

pledgedrive host: Now, calm down, Betty...

Betty White: Sorry, but those thieves make me so angry!!

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: meades ]


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meades
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posted 16 August 2001 07:23 PM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
sorry for the tripple post, but here are some gems from the episode in which Maude died:

Rod: Fire! Fire!
Tod: Convert the heathans!
Bart: Got'em!
Rod: No, you just winged him, made him a unitarian.

--earlier--

Apu:...I am going to let you have all of Maude's supersquishy points. Headquarters may not like it, but I am getting really sick of them, and their Bombay attitudes!

--from "behind the laughter" episode--

Apu:...Never have I seen such constant abuse of the take-a-penny leave-a-penny tray.


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Jared
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posted 16 August 2001 10:24 PM      Profile for Jared     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Zoiks, wotta response! Sucks to be me for underestimating the popularity of the almighty Simpsons.

That being said, I think it's about time that the show was cancelled (*taking a pause to allow incoming verbal abuse to die down*). Although the ep's I saw this past season were pretty good, the previous few years were borderline execrable. They're never going to reach the lofty heights of the early years, so go out on top. Plus, the reruns are being watered down by subpar episodes.

These aren't verbatim, but awfully close:

**********
(Wiggum talking to Marge on the phone after Homer's arrested for drunk driving)
Wiggum: Hello Mrs Simpson. I'm afraid we found your husband DOA.
Marge: Homer's dead?!
Wiggum: Oh, I meant DWI. Heh, I always get those two mixed up.
(Wiggum hangs up phone. Woman approaches him.)
Woman: I'm Mrs ____. You said you found my husband DWI.
Wiggum: Ahhhhh, why don't you talk to the desk clerk? I'm on my break (*disappears*)

*********************
(Scene: Mr Burns birthday party)
Smithers: Here are several fine young men who I'm sure are going to go far. Ladies and gentlemen, the Ramones.
Burns: Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves.
Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say that this gig sucks.
Dee Dee Ramone: Yeah, up yours Springfield.
*break into punk, Ramones-ish version of happy birthday to you*
Joey Ramone: Go to hell, you old bastard.
*curtain closes (as it does, Burn's expression is priceless)*
Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, they're not...
Burns: Do as I say!

[ August 17, 2001: Message edited by: Jared ]


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Doug
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posted 17 August 2001 01:08 AM      Profile for Doug   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I love the Sherri Bobbins episode!

"If there's a task that must be done,
don't turn your tail and run
don't pout
don't sob
just do a half-assed job...
If...you...
Cut every corner, it's really not so bad
Everybody does it, even mom and dad.
If nobody sees it, then nobody gets mad,
It's the American way!"


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grrr
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posted 17 August 2001 02:09 AM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"In honor of the birth of our savior, Try-N-Save is open all Christmas"
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grrr
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posted 17 August 2001 02:18 AM      Profile for grrr     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"I'm a Level 5 vegan. I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."
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clockwork
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posted 17 August 2001 10:22 AM      Profile for clockwork     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"Doh!"
"A deer!"
"A female deer!"

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Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 17 August 2001 10:28 AM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
That last one (nearly) made me wet my pants the first time I saw it.
From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mandos
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posted 17 August 2001 10:41 AM      Profile for Mandos   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
...
[Lawyer refers to witness as a carjacker]
"Objection, your Honour!"
"Overruled. I'll allow it. Serves to characterise the witness as a carjacker."

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clockwork
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posted 17 August 2001 11:08 AM      Profile for clockwork     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Hehe, I still howl when I see that episode.
Just a note about the Simpson’s sunset: the new shows are so formulaic. The style of jokes the same, the structure the same, and the biting political satire has all but vanished.

Kodos and that other alien:
“That’s what you get for having a two party system!”
Bob Dole:
“What’s this, some sort of tube?”

The best Simpsons has to be that Halloween special where they did a take of Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven
That was exquisite.


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Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 17 August 2001 11:13 AM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The best episodes were when Conan O'Brien was the producer, IMHO.
From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mandos
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posted 17 August 2001 12:14 PM      Profile for Mandos   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"What? Do you know of a better way to exchange complex protein chains?"
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Jeff B
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posted 17 August 2001 12:23 PM      Profile for Jeff B     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Homer: "Step 2, snorkel the animals!"
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Dawna Matrix
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posted 17 August 2001 12:41 PM      Profile for Dawna Matrix     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"See my vest, see my vest, made from real gorilla chest.."
From: the stage on cloud 9 | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
meades
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posted 17 August 2001 02:23 PM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"llllllliiiiiiiiiiike, myyyyyyyyyyy loafers, former gophers..."
From: Sault Ste. Marie | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 17 August 2001 02:24 PM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Bart: I wish I had an elephant.

Lisa: You did have an elephant. His name was Stampy. You loved him.

Bart (sadly): Oh yeah...


From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Zeratul
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posted 17 August 2001 07:18 PM      Profile for Zeratul     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I have two, number one is the episode where Homer goes into a alternate dimension he thinks "Oh holy glory of gods creation" then says "Holy Macharoini" and the second is the episode where Sideshow Bob is dating Selma and says "Kissing you would be like kissing some devine ash-tray"
From: Right behind you, with a big knife | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
MJ
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posted 17 August 2001 07:19 PM      Profile for MJ     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"it was that, or skin my chauffeurs..."
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Marc
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posted 17 August 2001 07:42 PM      Profile for Marc     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Homer: "Sweet merciful crap!"
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clockwork
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posted 17 August 2001 07:53 PM      Profile for clockwork     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
“Ah hoy-hoy?”
“Looking for eternal happiness? Send one dollar to Happy Dude”
“One dollar for eternal happiness, eh? I think I’d be happier with the dollar.”

From: Pokaroo! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Doug
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posted 18 August 2001 05:51 AM      Profile for Doug   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Thought of some more I love!

"The leprechaun tells me to burn things..."

The Independent Thought Alarm.

"When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!"

"I can't! It's a GEO!"

[ August 18, 2001: Message edited by: Doug ]


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Tommy_Paine
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posted 18 August 2001 09:40 AM      Profile for Tommy_Paine     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I've got a billion that stick in my mind.

For openers, we all sing "See My Vest" when that episode comes on.

Perhaps the one liner I like best of all is one in the background at the end of the "Comet" episode, with disaster just averted, Moe says "Let's burn down the observatory so this never happens again!"

A few others:

Chief Wigham: "Where's your Messiah now, Flanders?"

Principle Skinner: "In some ways, Bart, I am a small, petty man."

Monty Burns: "Thank you for making my last moments of existance socially awkward."

Milhouse: (Falling into a spillway) "My Glasses!"

Homer: (in answer to 'what safety initiatives have you spear headed in the past ten years?') "uh.... all of them?"

Krusty the Klown: (As Homer's pants get caught in the pedals of the tiny bike at 'klown kollege') "Burn that seat......"

And, again, Krusty when he has to give away burgers because of the Soviet boycot of the Olympics: "You people are PIGS!!!!!"

Proprietor of the 'Android's Dungeon': "Since you do not understand the concept of sarcasm, I shall close the cash register at this point."

And, "I will return to my store, where I dispense the sarcasm, instead of absorbing it."

Enough already.

Favorite episodes: (my titles) 'Bart sells his soul', 'Klown Kollege', most of the Hallowe'en specials, 'behind the Simpsons', 'Sherry Bobbins', 'Homer on the Shuttle' and the rest I've forgotten at the moment.


From: The Alley, Behind Montgomery's Tavern | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
marty raw
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posted 18 August 2001 03:34 PM      Profile for marty raw     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Announcer "Lost your dad?"
Boy "Uh huh."
Announcer "He's not coming back."
Boy (hopeful) "He might"
Announcer "No, he's not."

Also -

"No one who speaks German could be an evil man."

"The first annual Do-What-You-Feel Festival takes place in the town square, whenever you feel like showing up. A welcome change from the annual Do-As-We-Say Festival, started by German immigrants in 1946. "

For sure, on my top 10 list of faves -

"There's no trick to it. It's just a simple trick."

Favorite character - Frink. No, Burns. No, no, Frink. He makes you laugh, he makes you think.

"Would you like to go for a ride on my flying motorcycle?"


From: Toronto, baby | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trisha
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posted 18 August 2001 04:18 PM      Profile for Trisha     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I like the Halloween special takeoffs on the horror movies. There were some other good ones, but nothing else really stands out at the moment.
From: Thunder Bay, Ontario | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Junkyard Dog
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posted 18 August 2001 05:59 PM      Profile for Junkyard Dog     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Moe: "Amanda Huggandkiss? Is there Amanda Huggandkiss? Oh, why can't I find Amanda Huggandkiss?"

Barney: "Maybe your standards are too high!"

Everybody: "Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!"

Moe (realization dawning): "Hey, wait a minute..."


From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
meades
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posted 20 August 2001 12:10 AM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Kent Brockman: "I have a feeling no children will be crying when this puppy's put to sleep."

In reference to "Poochie", the new character on "Itchy and Scratchy"


From: Sault Ste. Marie | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Liam McCarthy
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posted 20 August 2001 02:38 AM      Profile for Liam McCarthy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The project boy band episode was kinda funny

"yvan eht noij"


From: Windsor, Ont. | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Junkyard Dog
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posted 20 August 2001 01:39 PM      Profile for Junkyard Dog     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Some of the funniest instances on the show involve Homer's conversations with his brain.

Homer: "Ok, brain, I don't like you, and you don't like me. Just help me through this, and I can get back to slowly killing you with beer."

Brain: "It's a deal!"

And what about THIS happy exchange, after Homer's wrecked the family car and is talking with the insurance representative...

Insurance guy: "Ok, it says here you were at a place called "Moe's". What kind of establishment is this?"

Brain: "Don't tell him you were at a bar! <Gasp!> But what else is open this time of night?!!"

Homer: "It's a pornography store! I was buying pornography!"

Brain: "Heh! Heh! Heh! I *NEVER* would have thought of that!"


From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trinitty
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posted 20 August 2001 02:07 PM      Profile for Trinitty     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Monty snapping-out of Howard Hughes persona.

Burns: "Wha- Fetch my clothes. Get these Kleenex boxes off my feet!"

Smithers: "What about the jars of urine sir?"

Burns: "Oh, we hang on to those." "We need to get back to the Plant, we'll take the Spruce Moose, hop-in!"

Smithers: "But sir,.."

Burns draws gun, "I said HOP-IN."


From: Europa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Victor Von Mediaboy
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Babbler # 554

posted 20 August 2001 02:10 PM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"Football in the groin! FOOTBALL IN THE GROIN!!!"
From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trinitty
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posted 20 August 2001 02:11 PM      Profile for Trinitty     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The only good part of the Simpsons go to Africa one was Homer in the hut with Marg and Seymour.

Homer interrupts: "Excuse me, but I have noticed that this hut smells like feces."

He is ignored and they continue talking.

Homer: "Not just chimp feces"

The rest of that episode was just that.


From: Europa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Meow
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posted 20 August 2001 02:41 PM      Profile for Meow     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
My favourite has always been during the episode where homer steals a pile of sugar:

marge: homer, the plant called, they said if you don't come in on friday, don't bother showing up on monday.

homer: woo hoo, 4 day weekend!

my favourite episode (however politically incorrect) is the one where homer gains weight in order to go on workmens compensation.....

"i wash myself with a rag on a stick"

"the fingers you have used to dail this number are too fat. Pound the phone keys with your fist in order to obtain a special dialing wand"

"sir, if you leave quietly we'll give you a garbage bag full of popcorn"


From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
marty raw
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posted 20 August 2001 03:11 PM      Profile for marty raw     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"Life is just an endless series of disappointments until you wish Flanders was dead."

Homer to Bart " A woman is like a refridgerator. They're about six feet, about three hundred pounds...uh, on second thought, a woman is like a beer. They smell good. They taste good. You'd step over your own mother to get one...."

Moe -"Ah, well. Looks like it's suicide for me again."

Granpa -"I used to be 'with it' and then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm 'with' isn't 'it' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you,too."

Whenever I see young people in odd trousers, I think of this.


From: Toronto, baby | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 20 August 2001 03:18 PM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
What are "trousers"?
From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mandos
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posted 20 August 2001 03:19 PM      Profile for Mandos   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
To lawyer: "What would happen to the world if there weren't any lawyers?"

[Lawyer's thought-bubble of happy people of all races, genders, and faiths dancing in a circle under a rainbow, with beautiful music. Lawyer shudders.]


From: There, there. | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Dawna Matrix
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posted 20 August 2001 03:47 PM      Profile for Dawna Matrix     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
KBM: If you can say "Pants too big, bike too small" and a kid fits the description, you're on to what trousers are.
From: the stage on cloud 9 | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
marty raw
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posted 20 August 2001 04:18 PM      Profile for marty raw     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"Ahh bourbon, Brownest of the brown liquors." (to bottle) "what's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!"

Lionel Hutz (aka Miguel Sanchez), we hardly knew ye.

And then there was Troy McClure - you might remember him from such films as "Tonight We Kill, Tomorrow We die" and "Gladys, the Groovy Mule."

...Or such self-help tapes as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident, Stupid!"

"Just ask this 'scientician'
(Cut to a guy in a labcoat)Guy :"Uhh..."
"He'll tell you...."


From: Toronto, baby | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 20 August 2001 04:20 PM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
They really should have had a "Troy McClure Tribute" episode when Phil Hartman died. Imagine an in-depth retrospective of Troy's bumpy Hollywood career.
From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Debra
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posted 21 August 2001 12:52 AM      Profile for Debra   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
school superindent: God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion.
Homer as garbage commisioner campaign slogan Can't somebody else do it?

From: The only difference between graffiti & philosophy is the word fuck... | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Zeratul
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posted 21 August 2001 01:03 AM      Profile for Zeratul     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
On the episode where Homer tries to join the Stonecutters and they don't take him he tells MArge that he has been rejected from clubs his whole life. He tells her the story and Marge says "Kids can be so cruel" Bart says "WE CAN, THANX MOM" then you hear Lisa go "OWWWWW"
From: Right behind you, with a big knife | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
meades
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posted 22 August 2001 01:14 AM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The episode where Lisa sees into her future (the first time):

Lisa:...I feel kind of odd wearing white.....Milhouse...
Marge: Oh, honey. Milhouse doesn't count!
Both:*chuckle*chuckle*


From: Sault Ste. Marie | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Doug
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posted 22 August 2001 12:27 PM      Profile for Doug   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Without our Mayor Quimby,
our town would really stink.
We wouldn't have our tire yard,
or mid-sized roller rink.
We wouldn't have our gallows
or (something I don't remember)
It's not the mayor's fault,
that the stadium collapsed!

Paid for by the Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee...if you were running for Mayor, he'd vote for you!


From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trinitty
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posted 22 August 2001 12:34 PM      Profile for Trinitty     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Homer: Ahh, and how could I forget my dear Ratboy?

Bart: I resent that! (begins to gnaw wall)

Marg: Bart! I told you to stop chewing on the drywall.


From: Europa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 22 August 2001 01:35 PM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
http://www.quimby2000.com
From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
JCL
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posted 17 September 2001 04:10 PM      Profile for JCL     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Man, I love the Simpsons. One of the smartest tv shows that I've ever seen. It's great intellectual humour.

My fave lines? Geez...where do I begin?

"Don't blame me, it's my addiction to percadine. That stuff rots your brains. And now a word from our sponsors. Percodine!?!? Aww crap!" - Krusty the Klown

"This is not a reading library. Put the magazine down or I'll blow your heads off." - Apu

"Shut up. Will you please shut up? I can't believe you won't shut up." - Apu

"This sidewalk is for regular walking, not fancy walking" - the bald white bearded old guy from Grandpa Simpson's retirement home. That was from the 2nd part of the episode of Who Shot Mr. Burns.

"I remember it distinctively. The kidnapping. The duct tape. The tennis ball in my mouth. It hurt me." Professor Frink in the episode where Burns captures the Loch Ness Monster.

Ahhhh...too many to list.


From: Winnipeg. 35 days to Christmas yet no snow here. | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged
Victor Von Mediaboy
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posted 17 September 2001 04:15 PM      Profile for Victor Von Mediaboy   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Abraham Simpson's buddy's name is Jasper.


(I am the master of all things Simpson, up until the last couple of seasons.)


From: A thread has merit only if I post to it. So sayeth VVMB! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
tracyac
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Babbler # 1065

posted 18 September 2001 05:23 PM      Profile for tracyac     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
OK, these are likely not exact quotes, but you'll get the idea:
-----------------------------------
Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph: I'm a boy!
Homer: That's the spirit!
--------------------------------------------
Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!
--------------------------------------------
Patty or Selma (??): Don't tell me you're gay.
Troy McClure: I wish!
--------------------------------------------
from the one where Bart goes on exchange to France, and Adil, an Albanian, lives with the Simpsons.....
Adil: How can you defend a country where five percent of the people control ninety-five percent of the wealth?
Lisa: I'm defending a country where people can think and act and worship any way they want.
Adil: Cannot!
Lisa: Can too!
Adil: Cannot!
Lisa: Can too!
Homer: Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.
-------------------------------------------
The "Homer buys a gun" episode is one of my favourites, especially these exchanges with the gun-store sales guy........

Gun Shop Owner: Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit. Holster...
Homer: Oh, yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: Bandoleer.
Homer: Baby.
Gun Shop Owner: Silencer.
Homer: Mmm-hmm.
Gun Shop Owner: Loudener.
Homer: [drooling noise]
Gun Shop Owner: Speed-cocker.
Homer: Ooh, I like the sound of that.
Gun Shop Owner: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Homer: Oh, I don't need anything like that... [paranoid]...yet. Just give me my gun. [grabs for gun]
Gun Shop Owner: Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.
Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now!
[gun guy grabs gun back from Homer]
Homer: I'd kill you if I had my gun!

and, after the five day wait is over, and the background check is done.....

Homer: Now, I believe you have some sort of firearm for me.
Gun Shop Owner: Well, let's see here. According to your background check, you've been in a mental institution...
Homer: Yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: ...frequent problems with alcohol...
Homer: Ohohoh, yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: ...beat up President Bush!
Homer: Former President Bush.
[The owner slaps a red rubber stamper on Homer's printout.]
Homer: "Potentially dangerous"?!
Gun Shop Owner: Relax, that just limits you to three handguns or less.
Homer: Woo hoo!


From: Ottawa | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged

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