babble home
rabble.ca - news for the rest of us
today's active topics


Post New Topic  Post A Reply
FAQ | Forum Home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» babble   » right brain babble   » culture   » etiquette and chivalry

Email this thread to someone!    
Author Topic: etiquette and chivalry
Loony Bin
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4996

posted 16 March 2004 11:20 AM      Profile for Loony Bin   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Does anybody else still care about basic rules of social conduct? Please and thank you's are easy, but what about introductions and opening doors, pulling out chairs, and letting the lady order first in a restaurant (to just rattle off a few examples)?

When you're out on a date or having a nice meal etc. (with a new crush or an old flame, or just friends, even), do these things occur to you? Do you care about them, or are they just passe cliches?


From: solitary confinement | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
al-Qa'bong
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3807

posted 16 March 2004 11:30 AM      Profile for al-Qa'bong   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I do all that non-verbal stuff. I've even been known to tip my hat on occasion.

I'm lousy at introductions, though. I have a blank spot there. I hate small talk, and I'm not any good at conversation until I get to know people.


From: Saskatchistan | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
windymustang
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4509

posted 16 March 2004 11:34 AM      Profile for windymustang     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I think that there is a big difference between basic good manners and etiquette an chivalry.

Good manners must apply to everyone for the world to operate as a nice place to live in a perfect world. Unfortunately, this isn't so. Most of us just keep on trying by saying please and thank you, holding the door for the next person etc.

Etiquette is slowly erroding in our society. I think this is a sad thing that most people don't know how to behave in a proper manner at the dinner table. It probably stems from the fact that most families no longer eat together, so the children are not educated on a daily basis. Some rules of etiquette are passe and ridiculous in today's society so IMO are not missed.

Chivalry is a nice bonus I believe. Even though I am a feminist, I enjoy when my husband takes the time to open the car door for me, puts his arm around me in public etc. Do most feminists disagree with me? Too bad, I think it's a gesture of affection and protection and I love it.


From: from the locker of Mad Mary Flint | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged
Debra
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 117

posted 16 March 2004 11:38 AM      Profile for Debra   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I don't really care about having my chair pulled out, but the door thing really galls me.

I'll hold the door for anyone if they are fairly close or if they look like they need help but I find men have become particularly bad at doing this.

Especially middle age men. I find that young guys and most women will pay attention to the social nicities.

Just the other day I was trying to get out of a store and I had bags in both hands as well as a box I was trying to juggle, a guy was coming in and just let the door slam and then brushed by me nearly knocking stuff out of my hands. I looked him straight in the face and said Thank you that was very helpful.

Just by that a young man was coming in and made a special effort to make sure he held the door and that nothing was falling.

Manners, one of the small things that makes life so much easier.


From: The only difference between graffiti & philosophy is the word fuck... | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mr. Magoo
guilty-pleasure
Babbler # 3469

posted 16 March 2004 11:56 AM      Profile for Mr. Magoo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I try to be courteous and polite whenever possible. I'll hold doors, say thanks, wait patiently, etc. I'll occassionally do good deeds, like picking up a bike that's slid down a pole until it's half on the street, or putting tossing (someone else's) trash into the trash can. I'm also interested in some of the conventions of good manners. Not the obscure use of the second salad fork type conventions, but more of the protocol. Did you know that when a man and woman walk together on a sidewalk, manners dictate that the man walk between the woman and the street? Or that when making introductions, you always introduce the "socially junior" person to the socially senior?
From: `,_,`,_,,_,, | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Loony Bin
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4996

posted 16 March 2004 11:59 AM      Profile for Loony Bin   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I like the distinctions you've drawn between manners, etiquette, and chivalry, windymustang. Pretty clear and useful.

And I also really like the chivalrous touches too, when they happen by my way. I take them usually as a sign of affection and respect, and a concern for my enjoyment. Maybe it's silly, but when the guy I'm with doesn't observe basic etiquette or even a tiny bit of chivalry, I notice...and it's usually kinda disappointing.


From: solitary confinement | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Secret Agent Style
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2077

posted 16 March 2004 01:45 PM      Profile for Secret Agent Style        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I generally behave well, but it's not about trying to live up to standards like "manners" and "etiquette." It's more about the golden rule of treating people the way I want to be treated.

Sometimes I'm a total pig, especially when I go out drinking with my friends: swearing, not apologizing if I bump into someone on the dancefloor, burping loudly, and making lewd comments.

[ 16 March 2004: Message edited by: Andy Social ]


From: classified | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
andrean
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 361

posted 16 March 2004 02:07 PM      Profile for andrean     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I don't know if it falls under "etiquette", "good manners", "protocol" or what, but one thing that many people today are chronically unable to do (and that I consider a grievous lack) is accept a compliment graciously.

The answer to a compliment is always "thank you". It's not "What, this old thing? Oh, it's just a rag!". Nor is it "You must be blind, I'm so fat!" And it's absolutely not "What, do you think I look awful every other day?" It is "thank you" and only 'thank you", unless you want to add, "you're very kind."

I'm not sure from where this rejection of pleasantries stems: is it an utter lack of self-esteem that make it impossible for us to consider that others might find some aspect of us pleasing enough to comment upon? Is it some sort of desire not to appear arrogant? Some refusal to acknowledge our own worth? Whatever it is, I find it incedibly insulting to extend a kind remark to someone, only to have them attack my perception or motive.

Women are particularly guilty of this - I'm not just sure why, though I seem to think that I once indulged in such behaviour myself. But somewhere along the way I decided that there's little enough sweetness in the world, I was going to enjoy every bit that came my way and dedicated myself to the art of accepting a compliment graciously. Interestingly, the number of compliments I had to accept increased proportionatly to my gracious reception of them! Now, it's quite possible that I have carried this art to its somewhat absurd conclusion in not just accepting compliments sweetly but in actively soliciting them! There's never too much of a good thing, is there?


From: etobicoke-lakeshore | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Secret Agent Style
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2077

posted 16 March 2004 02:22 PM      Profile for Secret Agent Style        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by andrean:
one thing that many people today are chronically unable to do (and that I consider a grievous lack) is accept a compliment graciously.


I sure don't have a problem doing that. A few weeks ago I ran into someone who I haven't seen in a few years. She told me that I look and dress better than I used to. As far as I can remember, instead of saying thanks, I said: "Yeah, I think so too."

That must have sounded really cocky, but when I brought it up again, she didn't seem to remember that I said that.

quote:

The answer to a compliment is always "thank you". It's not "What, this old thing? Oh, it's just a rag!". Nor is it "You must be blind, I'm so fat!"


Once I got so fed up with an ex obsessing about her weight that when she asked me if a certain pair of jeans made her butt look fat, I responded: "Honestly? Yes."

There's absolutely nothing a man can say to remedy that blunder. "Just kidding" doesn't cut it. My friend, who witnessed that fiasco, still tells that story to people, six years after the fact.

[ 16 March 2004: Message edited by: Andy Social ]


From: classified | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
Loony Bin
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4996

posted 16 March 2004 02:35 PM      Profile for Loony Bin   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I try to be gracious when I get a compliment from someone. Usually I'll say "thank you" or "aw shucks", which is slightly more playful. Sometimes, though, I find myself just agreeing or explaining something about whatever the complimenter was referring to. It's sort of like I'm also an objective observer of things that are mine or have to do with me...copliment me on my shirt, and I'll agree, because I can't really take credit for it--I didn't make it...

But I try to stick to "thanks" mostly.


From: solitary confinement | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
al-Qa'bong
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3807

posted 16 March 2004 02:53 PM      Profile for al-Qa'bong   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
I'm not sure from where this rejection of pleasantries stems: is it an utter lack of self-esteem that make it impossible for us to consider that others might find some aspect of us pleasing enough to comment upon?

I'm guilty of this one too. I always look for a negative whenever I receive a compliment. I don't know why I do that and it drives me crazy.

I was with my oldest boy back when he was about three, checking out some library books, when the librarian suddenly stopped what she was doing and said, "What a beautiful child!" I said something stupid like "yeah, but he's a real scallywag" (which isn't even true, as he's got a fine disposition).


From: Saskatchistan | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
Loony Bin
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4996

posted 16 March 2004 03:02 PM      Profile for Loony Bin   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I think it comes mostly from a fear of seeming conceited or arrogant.

As a girl in a clique-y school, accepting a compliment with a "thanks" and no self-deprecation whatsoever was enough to get you shunned for the better part of a week. That was pretty powerful social programming, if ye ask me.


From: solitary confinement | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Mr. Magoo
guilty-pleasure
Babbler # 3469

posted 16 March 2004 03:17 PM      Profile for Mr. Magoo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
For me it's a feeling of being in the spotlight, even for a moment. Granted, I sometimes seek that spotlight out, but under my terms. When someone pays me a real compliment (especially if it's to me, like "You're smart", rather than to my shoes, as in "Nice Shoes") then I feel awkward and my mouth panics. I don't get self-deprecating anymore, but I will babble a little, or add some phatic speech like "Well, I'm tryin'" or "I do what I can", or some other complete nonsense.
From: `,_,`,_,,_,, | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
HalfAnHourLater
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4641

posted 16 March 2004 03:55 PM      Profile for HalfAnHourLater     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"Good Manners are the grease which allow Humans to pass one another without friction"
From: So-so-so-solidarit! | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 16 March 2004 03:59 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by HalfAnHourLater:
"Good Manners are the grease which allow Humans to pass one another without friction"


In other words, a new laxative.


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
HalfAnHourLater
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4641

posted 16 March 2004 04:27 PM      Profile for HalfAnHourLater     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by skdadl:


In other words, a new laxative.


Hahaha...on second reading...hehehe!


From: So-so-so-solidarit! | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged

All times are Pacific Time  

Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | rabble.ca | Policy Statement

Copyright 2001-2008 rabble.ca