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Author Topic: confidence builder before a date
angela N
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posted 25 November 2002 06:06 PM      Profile for angela N   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
You might want to look at this before your date tonight... it will make you feel soooo much better.
From: The city of Townsville | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rebecca West
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1873

posted 26 November 2002 10:35 AM      Profile for Rebecca West     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Hilarious. Some alternative answers:

Do I look fat?Honey, you are fat. Deal with it.

Does this outfit go together? Does black clash with black?

How far should I go tonight? You are a slut for even asking.

Do I look fat?Unless you've lost 20 lbs in the past 3 minutes, yes.

Should I wear my hair up or down?Your hair is an inch long. Wearing it up makes you look like you've had a bad scare.

Is my butt too big? Too big for what?

Do I need more makeup? Do you have a trowel?

Are my shoes okay? Only if they make your legs look so long you resemble a character from The Chrysalids?

How's my body in this outfit?OMG, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD WEBBED TOES! Oh. You're wearing pantyhose...sorry

General encouragement #1 S/He wouldn't be going out with you if s/he didn't like you.

General encouragement #2 S/He wouldn't be going out with you if s/he didn't like you.

Last words before you go Remember our plan, I'll call your cell in an hour. If the date's a bust, I'm your cousin, and...

[ November 26, 2002: Message edited by: Rebecca West ]


From: London , Ontario - homogeneous maximus | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
angela N
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posted 26 November 2002 01:03 PM      Profile for angela N   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Ms. West, you're a terrible, terrible person, and that's why I really like you
From: The city of Townsville | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
paxamillion
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Babbler # 2836

posted 26 November 2002 01:28 PM      Profile for paxamillion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
My ex came home once with this haircut that was very "stylish." I looked at it and said, "Can that be fixed?"

Never again.


From: the process of recovery | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rebecca West
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posted 26 November 2002 05:12 PM      Profile for Rebecca West     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Ouch.
From: London , Ontario - homogeneous maximus | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Smith
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Babbler # 3192

posted 28 November 2002 12:16 AM      Profile for Smith     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
That is awesome.

Look around the site a bit more - I love the dancing tutorials and the "naughty bird," but that could be because I'm 5.


From: Muddy York | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
TommyPaineatWork
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posted 28 November 2002 06:13 AM      Profile for TommyPaineatWork     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
My ex came home once with this haircut that was very "stylish." I looked at it and said, "Can that be fixed?"

Mine used to ask how I liked her hair after a haircut, and after trying several different answers over the years, eventually I settled on, "No, I don't feel like an argument right now. But thanks for asking."

Surprisingly, even THAT was the wrong answer.


From: London | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
paxamillion
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posted 28 November 2002 10:04 AM      Profile for paxamillion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Here's what works for me in those circumstances now: "Hmmmm. What do you think, dear?"
From: the process of recovery | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rebecca West
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posted 28 November 2002 11:44 AM      Profile for Rebecca West     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
As a woman, I find that this hair argument is pre-empted by my not giving a rat's rectum about anyone's opinion but my own.
From: London , Ontario - homogeneous maximus | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Michelle
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Babbler # 560

posted 28 November 2002 11:48 AM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Mine used to ask how I liked her hair after a haircut, and after trying several different answers over the years, eventually I settled on, "No, I don't feel like an argument right now. But thanks for asking."

Because, "Oh, very nice, sweetheart" would be WAY too difficult...

Men!


From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
paxamillion
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posted 28 November 2002 12:02 PM      Profile for paxamillion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
No, because, when we say that, our wives see right through it.

quote:
As a woman, I find that this hair argument is pre-empted by my not giving a rat's rectum about anyone's opinion but my own.

I can think of many comments in response to this that could provoke "sparks." So, I'll simply say that I'm glad for you.

[ November 28, 2002: Message edited by: paxamillion ]


From: the process of recovery | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rebecca West
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posted 28 November 2002 01:15 PM      Profile for Rebecca West     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Humour aside, having grown up around people who told me I looked ugly/unacceptible almost every day of my life, I reserve the right to be the only person who needs to be pleased about how my hair, or any other part of my physical self looks.
From: London , Ontario - homogeneous maximus | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
audra trower williams
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posted 28 November 2002 02:04 PM      Profile for audra trower williams   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I can't imagine asking the hair opinion of anyone with a mullet
From: And I'm a look you in the eye for every bar of the chorus | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Rebecca West
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posted 28 November 2002 02:16 PM      Profile for Rebecca West     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Audra, you are so bad.
From: London , Ontario - homogeneous maximus | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tommy_Paine
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posted 28 November 2002 10:26 PM      Profile for Tommy_Paine     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
I can't imagine asking the hair opinion of anyone with a mullet

I'm not sure anti-mulletite comments are allowed on this board. I shall have to notify the moderator.


Frankly, I wouldn't ask my opinion on hair, either.


From: The Alley, Behind Montgomery's Tavern | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tommy_Paine
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posted 28 November 2002 10:56 PM      Profile for Tommy_Paine     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Because, "Oh, very nice, sweetheart" would be WAY too difficult

After unsuccessfully trying that, and many permutations of it, yes, it did prove to be WAY too difficult. Women!

Is there a tongue in cheek emoticon? I could really use one.

[ November 28, 2002: Message edited by: Tommy_Paine ]


From: The Alley, Behind Montgomery's Tavern | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Smith
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posted 28 November 2002 11:02 PM      Profile for Smith     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
You know, having been the insecure woman in a lot of conversations (not about my hair, but other things), and having dealt with insecure female friends, yeah, sometimes it is REALLY hard to say the right thing. It's very hard to find a tidy way to say "You look lovely, but of course you're always lovely, but I do like what you've done with your hair, that is, unless you don't, in which case I still think you look lovely but will think you look even lovelier when YOU think you look lovely, but if you don't think you look lovely now, then you're terribly silly, because there's no way that you, my darling, could ever look unlovely." Especially with someone who's predisposed to hear "You're a fat ugly sow, your hair looks like crap and I hate you."

[ November 28, 2002: Message edited by: Smith ]


From: Muddy York | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
TommyPaineatWork
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posted 29 November 2002 12:30 AM      Profile for TommyPaineatWork     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
If I could get serious for a moment, you point out something important.

I tried very hard to learn how to compliment my ex in a way that it would be recieved as intended-sincerly and lovingly.

It wasn't often that those compliments were recieved well. And even understanding it came from insecurity, after a while it gets wearying. To me, remarks like "you don't really mean that" or , "you're just saying that...." (for what reason, one wonders?) translates into "you're a liar" over time. Or just devalues your feelings to such an extent that you just don't want to brutalize yourself by sharing them anymore.


Last week, I told my ex that I had noticed that she seemed much more confident lately. And, since the time I noticed that, to the time I told her, I was wracking my brains trying to figure out what it was that I did or didn't do to bring that confidence out in her while we were together.

The compliment didn't go over well. She said it was all a fascade, and a lot of other things besides, which I will leave out only because they would appear self serving, when that's not what they are at all.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

I'm not terribly good at recieving compliments myself. Some of it may be self esteem related, but more often I think I'm just left speachless. I don't know how to respond. I feel if I responded with the way it made me feel, it would sound gushy or maudlin-- such is the effect it has on me. I've learned, I think, to at least say 'thank you'- as insufficient as it is.

It's a start.

I think the important thing is that when someone you share your life with compliments you, you HAVE to take it at face value.


From: London | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Arch Stanton
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posted 29 November 2002 02:23 AM      Profile for Arch Stanton     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I have a perfect response to "How's my new haircut?" that never fails.

I invariably say, "Your hair looks shorter."


From: Borrioboola-Gha | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
TommyPaineatWork
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posted 29 November 2002 02:30 AM      Profile for TommyPaineatWork     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Actually, I consider it a "good" haircut for myself if it goes unnoticed.

I once asked someone if mullets were so out of style, that they're actually considered "cool".

I got this perfectly timed, terse "no", that still makes me chuckle, remembering it.


From: London | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
paxamillion
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posted 29 November 2002 10:31 AM      Profile for paxamillion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Last week, I told my ex that I had noticed that she seemed much more confident lately. And, since the time I noticed that, to the time I told her, I was wracking my brains trying to figure out what it was that I did or didn't do to bring that confidence out in her while we were together.

The compliment didn't go over well. She said it was all a fascade, and a lot of other things besides, which I will leave out only because they would appear self serving, when that's not what they are at all.


I've had similar mental struggles about my ex, Tommy. Usually, I give up trying to figure it all out and recognize that she became my ex for good reasons.


From: the process of recovery | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Michelle
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posted 29 November 2002 10:45 AM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Heh. Exactly. Except of course in my case it's all the man's fault.

First I would like to say that Audra is evil and that she should never, ever change.

Secondly:

quote:
I once asked someone if mullets were so out of style, that they're actually considered "cool".

I got this perfectly timed, terse "no", that still makes me chuckle, remembering it.


What a rebel you are, Tommy. Seriously, anyone can be a so-called non-conformist by doing "cool" stuff like tongue-piercing and ripped jeans. Heh. It takes a real man to sport a mullet proudly.


From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Debra
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posted 29 November 2002 11:07 AM      Profile for Debra   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Well you seperated and divorced types have to remember there are always two sides to the story.

Your and fuckheads.


From: The only difference between graffiti & philosophy is the word fuck... | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
angela N
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posted 29 November 2002 11:07 AM      Profile for angela N   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Tommy, thanks for sharing, sometimes, listening to the men on babble gives me valuable insight. I do believe my husband owes you guys a debt of gratitude.

Anyway, Thanks

PS. Hair thing: just look at your partner and grab her firmly, plant a luscious kiss on her and say i dont know what it is, but, you look so incredibly hot, take off your clothes!

This way she feels great, you both get laid and everyone is happy and as an extra added bonus you need not mention the hair directly in the case where it really does like like crap.

works for me.


From: The city of Townsville | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
paxamillion
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posted 29 November 2002 11:22 AM      Profile for paxamillion   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Well you seperated and divorced types have to remember there are always two sides to the story.

Your and fuckheads.


Actually, I like to say there are three sides -- his, hers and the truth.


From: the process of recovery | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged

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