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Author Topic: Leave Your Real Opinions Out of the Conversation
smokingeatingdrinkingprohibited
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7699

posted 06 February 2005 10:02 AM      Profile for smokingeatingdrinkingprohibited     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Sometimes you don't like a song, a band, or a movie and you share your opinion when people ask. Often it's in a very polite form:

Hey, that Britney Spears makes music that really isn't my style.

Or, you can speak less formally as in

Wow, that movie really sucked! Isn't it just a poorer remake of that teen flick from last year that itself shouldn't have been made?

You gotta watch what you say, though, you don't want to offend people. Myself, I get mad when I find out that people around me are less straight & frank about things.

a)Isn't it a form of lying to always be sugar coating everthing we say?

b)Am I the only one who keeps coming to the point of exploding because I can't say what I really want?

[ 06 February 2005: Message edited by: smokingeatingdrinkingprohibited ]


From: Glasgee | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 06 February 2005 10:21 AM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
le smoking, I had a funny experience with this problem last week.

A friend (whom I like very much, whose opinions I respect) began talking admiringly -- glowingly, in fact -- of Michael Ignatieff's latest book.

Now, I can't abide Michael Ignatieff, haven't been able to for years, certainly can't put up with anyone who's rationalizing torture and beyond that the man is just such a narcissist ...

And that's what I should have said, straightforwardly but reasonably, and then I should have let it go.

But as soon as I started to speak, I saw slight surprise in friend's eyes, so I began to hedge and evade and talk in circles, and pretty soon I was just digging self into deep hole. Y'know?

It became very awkward. Brief but blunt honesty would have been better. Trying to be too polite can just make things worse.


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
smokingeatingdrinkingprohibited
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7699

posted 06 February 2005 02:51 PM      Profile for smokingeatingdrinkingprohibited     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
skdadl,

Thanks for your response. I had a similar experience. A family member just started working at a marketing company. He's been in the business for a while but has no post-secondary education so he can sometimes feel unsure of himself. Since I'm in uni I said I'd look at his stuff (upon his request).

I started giving him honest feedback, trying to be critical in a constructive & positive way. But I could see him getting super-defensive so I backed off. Now when I see him he won't even discuss the matter, or will shrug off questions about how it went/is going.

What to do? That's why most of the time I try to keep professional and personal business VERY separate.


From: Glasgee | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged

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