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Topic: First Dates are Job Interviews
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steffie
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3826
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posted 06 September 2004 01:09 AM
You know - it's true. When you go out on a first "date" (in a public place, the person who did the asking pays, and so forth), aren't you really performing a living, breathing relationship resume? Each person is assessing the other, checking to see if s/he has the qualities they are looking for in a partner. People in my age category have probably had at least one serious relationship, and know what the rules of the game are. Whether it be physical appeal, common interests, compatible personalities, etc. there occurs a trading of information through body language and verbal language. There may be a non-verbal asking, and a non-verbal telling. Of course, the actual words spoken can say alot too. But I won't go into that here. What I want to say is that going on a first date is a process during which one essentially "sells oneself", a phenomenon which I have recently been giving a lot of thought. Puzzling. Thoughts?
From: What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow / Out of this stony rubbish? | Registered: Mar 2003
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steffie
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3826
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posted 06 September 2004 01:30 AM
I won't say that I'm tired of "the game", because really, this is the only real medium we have to connect and converse. What I want to strive to do is play the game, but write my own rules. It's difficult, though, to be completely yourself when making, as you say, a first impression. It's the first formal impression/presentation/application. Obviously, there has been some checking out beforehand, so that one knows one wants to actually go on that first date. I'm looking forward to the second date. 
From: What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow / Out of this stony rubbish? | Registered: Mar 2003
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aRoused
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1962
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posted 06 September 2004 07:30 AM
Um, 'accredited'?And, sure, it's 'selling yourself', but is that perhaps just the idiom you're choosing to describe it based on your existence in a post-modern industrial society focused around marketing and consumerism? If you lived somewhere/somewhen else, you'd most likely use different terms to describe it, no?
From: The King's Royal Burgh of Eoforwich | Registered: Dec 2001
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Anchoress
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4650
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posted 06 September 2004 07:42 AM
I totally agree. And what I think is most like a job interview is that it's not so much about figuring out if this person is right for you (if it's a job interview, the interviewer probably already knows if the applicant is *qualified*; if it's a date and you like what you see you get a few more 'free' dates before having to declare yourself), but rather trying to spot something that means the person is *wrong* for you.That's why I think first impressions are so important; it's really easy at the beginning (with potential employers and potential mates) to unwittingly give ammunition to the 'no' side. I actually experienced this in a job interview recently; I was asked the good ole question 'what are your faults', and I answered with something I thought was truthful, fair, and not too damning... but the entire interview went south from there, and I could *see* (from their questions and body language) that they had been gravely disturbed by my revelation, and were zeroing in on it with almost carnivorous zeal. When people don't know you, revealing things (like my job interview confession, or as another example when I told a first date that I had at one time considerd suicide), it can give people a really good reason NOT to invest any further time or commitment. We all know that if people got to know us those little revelations would be - little - in comparison to our virtues, but when presented against the backdrop of the unknown, they are just too blatant to ignore.
From: Vancouver babblers' meetup July 9 @ Cafe Deux Soleil! | Registered: Nov 2003
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Anchoress
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4650
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posted 06 September 2004 08:38 AM
Hmmm, let's see...My first boyfriend was the guy who sold me Matol (nutritional supplement). I'd met him twice when he asked me out. My second worked at the place where I temped - I didn't even know his name when I found out he was interested in me. My third was a blind date. My fourth was the friend of one friend and the ex-boyfriend of another; I'd met him briefly about four times before we went out. My fifth (the one I knew best before dating) is actually the man I most *regret* going out with. He was the drummer in my band, and we'd known each other fairly well for several months before we went out. And as for my numerous other dating experiences? Almost all with men I hardly knew. I think with me the thing is if I already know a guy, I already know I *don't* want to go out with him lol. I am *very* picky, and *very* cautious about spoiling a work or friend relationship by 'trying out' the dating game with them.
From: Vancouver babblers' meetup July 9 @ Cafe Deux Soleil! | Registered: Nov 2003
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lagatta
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2534
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posted 06 September 2004 08:47 AM
I've practically always met partners through my "movement" milieu, work or cultural networks. A lot of what Mandos said about family "arrangements" of partnerships can happen less formally in other settings. Certainly we sought out and got character reports on prospective partners. I've not "dated" much in the way the thread describes. I did get a lot of encouragement in terms of my long-distance sweetheart, and character reports, though I had met him many times. One thing I wanted to know (since he was recently separated) is whether he had any minor children, as I'm not interested in potentially being a stepmum. But of course there are never any guarantees.
From: Se non ora, quando? | Registered: Apr 2002
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Timebandit
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1448
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posted 09 September 2004 05:42 PM
On the one hand, yes, I think a first date is rather like a job interview and like a sales job, but you're both selling (usually, anyway). I had some pretty set rules about dating when I was single. Certain periods of time/numbers of casual dates before expressing serious interest, that sort of thing.When the blond guy and I "got together", it wasn't exactly a date, we just happened to be at the same Christmas party, gatecrashers both. And, um, well... Let's just say that before our first date we'd gotten slightly (*ONLY SLIGHTLY*!) inappropriate with each other. First actual date, we were completely inappropriate, by the terms of my dating rules. Eight years later, I'm kind of glad we threw the rule book out the window. 
From: Urban prairie. | Registered: Sep 2001
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Topic Closed
