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Author Topic: Happy Father's Day
Steppenwolf Allende
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Babbler # 13076

posted 17 June 2007 01:42 PM      Profile for Steppenwolf Allende     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Just got back from a great brunch and afternoon with teh family (kids and grandkid).

Hope the day is going well for the fathers and mothers out there!

Teach
Your children well
Their fathers' Hell
WIll slowly blow by

And feed
Them on your dreams
Because the past
Is just a good-bye

Don't you ever ask them why
Cause if they told you, you would cry
SO just look at them and sigh
And know they love you


From: goes far, flies near, to the stars away from here | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged
oldgoat
Moderator
Babbler # 1130

posted 17 June 2007 04:46 PM      Profile for oldgoat     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Had a great day. Went to the ROM with my family (wife and two kids) and out to dinner.

And remember...

and you, who are on the road,
must have a code
that yoou can live by

or something like that.


From: The 10th circle | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Phonz
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 14207

posted 17 June 2007 05:34 PM      Profile for Phonz        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I had a nice Father's Day too. My dad phoned and apologized for screaming at me in a drunken rage yesterday over the phone. I feel all warm and fuzzy. I'm going to make a big donation to The Promise Keepers, I think.
From: Van&Vic | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged
remind
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Babbler # 6289

posted 17 June 2007 06:08 PM      Profile for remind     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Phonz:
I had a nice Father's Day too. My dad phoned and apologized for screaming at me in a drunken rage yesterday over the phone. I feel all warm and fuzzy. I'm going to make a big donation to The Promise Keepers, I think.

I am sorry you had to experience that type of unplesantness yesterday from one who is supposed to love you. My father never got into drunken rages, or any rages actually. He was a master of passive aggressive manipulation of his 3 daughters and wife.

Though not having experienced the types of thing you do, all to often I assume, from my father, I did experience my father in law doing it, and worse, to his children. But only once in my presence did it occur. I was stunned that my 6'8" husband had been verbally turned into a beaten little boy in front of my eyes. He never dared bully his children in front of me again.

Sadly, for the sisters and brothers they are fractured, and coming together only makes them remember their times together, and there was no pleasantness back there in those times. So, it is easier for them to remain distant.


From: "watching the tide roll away" | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Phonz
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Babbler # 14207

posted 17 June 2007 06:35 PM      Profile for Phonz        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by remind:
Sadly, for the sisters and brothers they are fractured, and coming together only makes them remember their times together, and there was no pleasantness back there in those times. So, it is easier for them to remain distant.

Thank you for this insight. It had never occured to me before even though that's exactly what happened in our family! From a letter to my mother from my file of letters that I'm never going to send ...

... On a practical note, I donít think the August visit here is such a great idea and Iím afraid Iím going to have to retract my invitation, unless you are willing to come on your own. Itís not because of him as I have no doubt that my father could pull himself together for three days and more or less behave himself. Itís because of me and my selfishness and my wondering why I should continue to be superficially nice to this monster who has always terrified me and now seems to be devoting the rest of his life to terrorizing you. Are we going to sit around and talk about the good old days? There were no good old days. My childhood was a nightmare. If the authorities had been notified of the kind of emotional abuse we suffered, we would have been thrown into foster care so fast our heads would have been spinning. My father is a drunk, a bully, a misogynist and a selfish, petty tyrant. There! I finally said it.

But HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!


From: Van&Vic | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged
Phonz
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Babbler # 14207

posted 17 June 2007 06:55 PM      Profile for Phonz        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I wonder if the Hallmark people ever give any consideration to how people from dysfunctional families feel about celebrating Father's Day, Christmas, various birthdays, whatever.

I know for lots of people (hopefully, most people) these are times for happy reminiscing. For some of us, though, it's, oh, yeah, remember that Christmas when I ran out of the house in my pajamas screaming for help, remember when we all got together for Easter and he starting throwing platters of food at the wall, remember when I had to cancel my birthday party because he was raging about a business deal gone wrong, remember when I had to call 911, what a riot! ....

I suggest a new Hallmark holiday. We're going to celebrate ourselves. We can call it Happy Survivors or something.


From: Van&Vic | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged
Banjo
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posted 17 June 2007 06:56 PM      Profile for Banjo     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Phonz:
My dad phoned and apologized for screaming at me in a drunken rage yesterday over the phone...

I think the Adult Children of Alcoholics would be better than the Promise Seekers, or was that just a joke.


From: progress not perfection in Toronto | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged
writer
editor emeritus
Babbler # 2513

posted 17 June 2007 06:56 PM      Profile for writer     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Phonz, thanks so much for letting us know about what you lived through.

"The child is the father to the man." It seems to me that you've become an able dad to yourself. Happy father's day, Phonz.


From: tentative | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Phonz
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Babbler # 14207

posted 17 June 2007 07:01 PM      Profile for Phonz        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Banjo:
I think the Adult Children of Alcoholics would be better than the Promise Seekers, or was that just a joke.

Totally, completely, utterly a joke.


From: Van&Vic | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged
Scout
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posted 17 June 2007 07:02 PM      Profile for Scout     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I think the phonz is one of us writer. At least according to her profile.
From: Toronto, ON Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
pookie
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Babbler # 11357

posted 17 June 2007 07:04 PM      Profile for pookie     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
It's always humbling to read these kinds of posts when similar "holidays" are celebrated. Personally, I couldn't ask for a better dad, and I know what a gift that is.

Happy day to all the wonderful fathers who enrich - not diminish - their kids' lives.


From: there's no "there" there | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged
Phonz
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Babbler # 14207

posted 17 June 2007 07:04 PM      Profile for Phonz        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Oh, I am indeed. But I'm quite sure writer knows that. Am I right, writer?
From: Van&Vic | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged
Scout
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Babbler # 1595

posted 17 June 2007 07:08 PM      Profile for Scout     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Ah, I missed to yourself part, I just rea dit as yourself. Bad Scout, too much time in the sun today.
From: Toronto, ON Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
remind
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Babbler # 6289

posted 17 June 2007 07:11 PM      Profile for remind     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Phonz:
Thank you for this insight. It had never occured to me before even though that's exactly what happened in our family!
Glad to share insight gained. It is a painful experience, even coming from 2nd hand experience.

The big guys family, even tried to get "together" to try to build "new" memories. Pain filled the stilted sentences, and silences, as each word spoken by another, prompted the others to reflect back on all the bad things and times when they were altogether. One's good memory meant a bad memory for the other and they cannot yet, 15 years after the man's death reconcile.

quote:
From a letter to my mother from my file of letters that I'm never going to send ...

... On a practical note, I donít think the August visit here is such a great idea and Iím afraid Iím going to have to retract my invitation, unless you are willing to come on your own. Itís not because of him as I have no doubt that my father could pull himself together for three days and more or less behave himself. Itís because of me and my selfishness and my wondering why I should continue to be superficially nice to this monster who has always terrified me and now seems to be devoting the rest of his life to terrorizing you. Are we going to sit around and talk about the good old days? There were no good old days. My childhood was a nightmare. If the authorities had been notified of the kind of emotional abuse we suffered, we would have been thrown into foster care so fast our heads would have been spinning. My father is a drunk, a bully, a misogynist and a selfish, petty tyrant. There! I finally said it.

But HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!


Strong letter what keeps you from sending even 1?


From: "watching the tide roll away" | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Phonz
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Babbler # 14207

posted 17 June 2007 07:17 PM      Profile for Phonz        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by remind:
Strong letter what keeps you from sending even 1?

Because he opens all the mail. Yes, even that which is addressed specifically to her alone. I have the same problem talking to her on the phone as he often picks up the extension without announcing that he has done so.


From: Van&Vic | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged
writer
editor emeritus
Babbler # 2513

posted 17 June 2007 07:26 PM      Profile for writer     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Blame Wordsworth! I was trying to play off his original - perhaps not altogether successfully.
From: tentative | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
remind
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6289

posted 17 June 2007 07:43 PM      Profile for remind     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Phonz:
Because he opens all the mail. Yes, even that which is addressed specifically to her alone. I have the same problem talking to her on the phone as he often picks up the extension without announcing that he has done so.

Okay, another story, that perhaps might spell that as being a good thing, for you.

Having encouraged my partner to resolve his issues with his fathers abuse, at one point he decided to write his father a letter. This letter, it turned out, stated that; his father had problems, they both knew it, and detailed the major things, and then said if his father decided to seek counselling, he would go with him, if his father didn't go, then he no longer could have anything to do with him. The big guy had already worked with counsellors at length on his family issues.

His father never responded, and he died several years later, never having seen, or spoke with, his son again. However, at the end of it all, the others, having never confronted their father, have never resolved not being able to take their power, and childhood, back from him.

Thank you for sharing your pain, it will make your burden easier, and I feel honoured that you trust enough to share with us.


From: "watching the tide roll away" | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Phonz
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Babbler # 14207

posted 17 June 2007 08:22 PM      Profile for Phonz        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I just don't think I would be able to do that but I have a ton of admiration for anyone who could.
From: Van&Vic | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged
remind
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6289

posted 17 June 2007 08:31 PM      Profile for remind     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Phonz:
I just don't think I would be able to do that but I have a ton of admiration for anyone who could.

And that's okay, at least you are writing down what you are experiencing and feeling. They stand in testimony.

It took my partner almost 2 decades away from his father, before he could.


From: "watching the tide roll away" | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged

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