ANYWAY, she didn't go see the puppy, she turned tail and went back into the school and told a teacher who thankfully believed her and called the police. My niece, bless her little photographic memory, gave them a great description. She said later, to the family, that we'd told her to not talk to strangers... nice to know she was listening.

What really bothers me is this isn't an isolated incident. There were reports of a guy trying to lure kids away from the same area thhis past summer. He's apparently still on the loose.

There was a time when 'strangers' looked out for children. Brought them home when lost. Told them not to jump their bike off that ramp. Maybe they gave some kids a couple of Cokes for free. There was a time when strangers scared off more suspicious-looking strangers. But nowadays all the good strangers (the majority we hope) just have to walk away - ignore the children - for fear of being accused of something. This at a time when parents need more help raising children.

I haven't really stressed the "not talking to strangers" thing with my son, because he's never out by himself, so it's kind of hard to demonstrate. And there's no way, when someone approaches us and talks to both my son and I in a friendly way, that I'm going to tell my son, "Don't talk to her! She's a stranger!" I meet and chat with the most interesting people by talking to strangers when I'm with my son. My son knows he's safe when he's with me, so he feels free to say, "Hi!" to people who pass him, and tell them stuff - and most of them think it's so nice to have a little fellow spontaneously say hello. I'm not squelching that yet.

Yes. We worry about the strangers but statistically it's the people we know we have to watch. When my sister in law got divorced, and started dating again, I watched her b/f's like a hawk. She had four boys under the age of 12 living with her.

To this day, I believe one of her b/f's was after her boys-- and don't ask me how I know because I just couldn't tell you. It was a gut feeling thing. I think my presence in her life maybe discouraged him.

I'll never know and this could be all in my imagination, which is perfectly fine with me.

My ex has moved back to within walking distance of the house. About a 15 minute walk, I'd say. That's good-- it helps me to know that if I'm at work or out, that she's not too far away in case of emergency-- and we do have them. But the girls are fond of walking over there and with the short days, of course it's often dark.

It's a balancing act between prudence and paranoia.

My girls are not much help. A few months after a woman was raped and stabed to such an extent that it's clear the man intended to murder her-- three stone throws from this very computer-- my eldest said, "I think I'm going to take up jogging in the morning." The woman was attacked in the morning while going for her routine jog.

I'm not a "NO" kind of dad. I rather prefer to talk, to get them to ask the same questions that run around in my head, thereby either showing me that I'm wrong, or leading them to come to the "NO" conclusion without me having to play the heavy.

That time was an exception.

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I was never educated on "don't talk to strangers". But the time I was approached by a guy in a store while I was looking at "Matchbox Toys" (my parents were off looking at beds, as I recal) and offered to take me to a place where they had lots of them "for free", I knew something was wrong, and went off to tell my dad.

I hadn't a clue as to what purpose some guy would attempt to lure a kid away at that time. But from the transformation in my dad, I kinda figured it was something pretty bad.

On the other hand, in most of the cases I've ever heard of where a child was being molested by their mother's boyfriend (I mean from people I know, not statistically), the mother generally either knew or suspected or should have known. I'm pretty sure that if I had even an inkling of a suspicion, that would be it. And I think that has a lot to do with how women view divorce and singlehood and autonomy. I'm not afraid of being alone, nor do I think it's shameful, nor do I ever plan to be financially dependent on any man, so I don't have any incentive for staying in a relationship where someone could abuse my son. But on the off chance that it could happen without my having any knowledge of it whatsoever, I'm pretty well planning to just date (and not leave people I'm dating alone with my son) until my son is older. After all, it will only be another 10-12 years before my son is "grown up" enough not to be intimidated into not talking or to be attractive to men who like young boys, and I don't think that's too long to enjoy dating and having fun rather than settling down. Heck, I may never get married again!

On the other hand, I get the heebie-jeebies at the idea of male relatives monitoring all my boyfriends with suspicion - that's just one step away from the assumption that a single mother who dates different men is irresponsible or not a "good mother". My ex has made noises about wanting to protect my son from any boyfriends I may have in the future (he's actually said that he worries about me having boyfriends over at night in case they molest my son, even though I haven't dated anyone since leaving him), and that pisses me off - just one more way for him to try and control what I do and who I see. Whereas he doesn't feel his dating behaviour has to be monitored by anyone, and I'm sure he would have no problem with having women sleep over, or marrying a woman after only a short time of dating.

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(he's actually said that he worries about me having boyfriends over at night in case they molest my son, even though I haven't dated anyone since leaving him), and that pisses me off - just one more way for him to try and control what I do and who I see.

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I can see how you see it that way. But, I've seen it from his side too. Notwithstanding the fact I don't have a lot of respect for your ex, from what you've said about him here, I can identify with his fear, and I woudn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that it's an attempt to control you. Although, the fact that it ends up perhaps doing so kinda makes his motivations beside the point.

When I was looking out for my nephews and my sister in law, I was also labouring under some ignorance at the time. With the experience I had at the time, I honestly couldn't see why a single guy would want to explore a meaningful relationship with a woman who had four children by another man. And, I was concerned that my sister in law, who was lonely and probably, in my mind, perhaps blinded to somethings while she tried to re-afirm her attractiveness to men.

I've learned a lot since then. I was obviously blind to the fact that when two people are attracted to one another, the fact that they have children from another marriage becomes so irrelevant that I startle myself with my previous ignorance. And, I should have given more credit to my sister in law, who though she has certainly had her troubles was very much more deserving of credit than the amount I cut her at the time.

As it turned out, she eventually met up with a guy who has been very good for her. There was nothing wrong with her judgement at any time.

It's not a conscious statement of "Oh, she's divorced, and has impaired judgement, and is desperate for any male attention so we have to look after her" kind of thinking, on the part of ex spouses or your male relatives.