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Author Topic: New Year's Predictions.
Tommy_Paine
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Babbler # 214

posted 31 December 2001 12:52 PM      Profile for Tommy_Paine     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Put away the crystal balls and the tarot cards, they don't work.

Let's use our noodles for some news prognostications for 2002.

Mine is this:

Sometimes in the next six weeks, Mike Harris will anounce his leadership candidacy for the Alliance Party.

Crazy? Yes, but not about this.

Think about it. Harris dissengaged himself from politics in an "honourable" way, he shed the baggage of a guy deserting the province for greener pastures by using his marriage reconcilliation project as a pretext. Remember many of us thought it odd, that reason? Seemed to many of his that his marriage was beyond the point of reconcilliation.

Maybe I'm wrong, but if he does run for the Alliance leadership, it's a handy way to leave Ontario Politics, ain't it?

And, isn't he the Moses Alliance has been looking for? Smoozed (boozed?) it up with Ralphie boy in Alberta, saying nice things about Alberta. Cultivating the core Albertan Alliance members?

And, he's got proven electability in Ontario, the long, coveted Holy Grail for the Alliance.

Hey, this isn't Area 51 stuff. The evidence all fits together nicely.

Mike Harris, running for the Alliance Leadership.

Further predictions?

He'll win.

Next prediction?

The national press corp, unlike Ontario media, will not be so ga ga over him, and he won't get as many puff ball questions for him to hit out of the park.

In the final analysis, power will elude the Alliance because Harris is a hot house flower, destined to die in the frozen wastes of the icy national media spot light.


From: The Alley, Behind Montgomery's Tavern | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
meades
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 625

posted 31 December 2001 02:09 PM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
predictions...predictions... Hmmm....

I guess first- Sault Ste. Marie residents react in outrage towards Carmen Provenzano after the truth about his record is exposed on the posters I'm making! *sigh* if only...

-Everyone gets sick of hearing the phrase "The *insert adjective* events of September 11th" and demand that the media at the very least rephrase the sentence, if not find a new phrase to put at the beginning of every news headline, entertainment story, business report, and TV Primetime Drama.

-Government uses new anti-terrorist LAWS to crack down on legitimate protestors during the G-7 Kananaskis protests.

-The Canadian public STILL doesn't give a damn. Throw ANYTHING at them- THEY DON'T CARE!!! Right Speech Act, List of Banned Political Organizations, Legalization of gerrymandering, MP's to sit for maximum 10 years, instead of five. THEY DON'T CARE! Everyone else (left, right, and centre) predicts this and moves out of this zany continent to avoid the pain of it all.


From: Sault Ste. Marie | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 31 December 2001 03:53 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The cult of celebrity will reach ever more absurd levels. To wit:

  • Brian Mulroney will have a sex-change operation and try out for the new Pop Stars girl group;
  • Salman Rushdie will get hair implants, embark on a crash body-building program, move to LA, and attempt to remake himself as a porn star under the guise of "research" for his next novel;
  • Justice Minister Anne McClellan will retire from politics and start up an afternoon "court" show a la Judge Judy...

Continue to taste.


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 31 December 2001 04:07 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Whoops, forgot about the rhetorical bullying of our armchair counter-terrorists:

Robert Fulford will finally Go Too Far in a column comparing David Suzuki to Saddam Hussein. In the ensuing media shit-storm, he'll have a nervous breakdown and retire to a convalescent home in suburban Connecticut, an easy commute to the offices of the New Yorker -- where, to his everlasting shame, no-one will have heard of him, and his unsolicited essays will be politely but firmly rejected. Despondent, he'll return home, tail between legs, to become assistant editor of a weekly in Brampton.


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
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Babbler # 478

posted 31 December 2001 04:29 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 

Gosh, 'lance has done Robert Fulford. I was gonna do Robert Fulford. Well, even if not so well, I think I'll still do Robert Fulford:

Robert Fulford will suddenly confess that he has never actually finished any of the books, surreptitious summaries of which compose the majority of his columns. Seized by guilt, Michael Ignatieff and John Ralston Saul will burst into tears, make identical confessions, and embrace one another and Fulford on a soul-cleansing session on Studio 2. Each will blubber to each, I luv you, man, I mean, I really really luuuv you, like, no, man, I mean it, I really luuuuv you, etc.

Fulford will subsequently retire to a convalescent home in suburban Connecticut, Ignatieff to another in Tooting Bec, and Saul to one in an outer Paris arrondissement. I dunno about wishing any of them on Brampton, though ...


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
DrConway
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posted 31 December 2001 04:34 PM      Profile for DrConway     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Hmm. The message entry box has been aligned with the "displayed name". takes some getting used to...

Predictions? Some inflationary years ahead as governments pile on the spending under any excuse they can think of, be it military, or economic recovery or even national security (example: federalizing airport security in the USA, and upgrading pay scales).

In Canada, on the political scene? Jean Chretien dies in office and they put sunglasses on him a la Weekend at Bernie's. Even dead, he wins the next election and goes back to appointing Senators.

Ralph Klein gets drunk and falls down an oil well. (We hope)

Gordon Campbell and Gary Collins wake up, smell the coffee, and admit to fiscal irresponsibility that makes the NDP look good. (In our wildest dreams...)

End of zany predictions for me.


From: You shall not side with the great against the powerless. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 31 December 2001 04:40 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Francis "The End Of History" Fukuyama will be revealed by a special undercover London Review of Books investigation to be an operative of Al Qaida, carefully trained and dispatched ten years ago to lull the "West" into a false sense of security.
From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
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posted 31 December 2001 04:44 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Jean Chretien dies in office and they put sunglasses on him a la Weekend at Bernie's. Even dead, he wins the next election and goes back to appointing Senators.

quote:
Francis "The End Of History" Fukuyama will be revealed by a special undercover London Review of Books investigation to be an operative of Al Qaida, carefully trained and dispatched ten years ago to lull the "West" into a false sense of security.


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 31 December 2001 04:56 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Attempting to get ahead of the news cycle, Margaret "Mistress M" Wente will out herself as the proprietor of the hottest S/M dungeon in Toronto.

"I didn't need ideological feminism before both my sexual and my entrepreneurial sides could flourish," she'll say in a prepared statement.

She'll decline to comment on published reports that both Rick Salutin and Andrew Coyne have availed themselves of her dungeon's services.


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
nonsuch
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posted 31 December 2001 05:04 PM      Profile for nonsuch     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The sun will henceforth rise in the East.
If, indeed, It bothers to rise at all.

[ December 31, 2001: Message edited by: nonesuch ]


From: coming and going | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged
clockwork
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posted 31 December 2001 05:08 PM      Profile for clockwork     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I predict Brampton will become the new cultural Mecca. With famous writers working at weeklies here, it will spur a renaissance that will transform this bedroom community into a powerful force on the world stage, rivaling New Yawk and Tawrana for influence. Soon we will be worrying about high-jacked airplanes crashing into duplexes and have the power to call in the military when the odd snowstorm hits. Queen Street West will look like a backwater dump compared to our own fashionable and upwardly mobile Queen Street strip.
From: Pokaroo! | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
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posted 31 December 2001 05:09 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
nonesuch, that's exactly what David Hume said! And so far, he's always been right! (Although he himself would have said that that proves nothing for tomorrow ...)
From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Michelle
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posted 31 December 2001 05:41 PM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Sometimes in the next six weeks, Mike Harris will anounce his leadership candidacy for the Alliance Party.

Crazy? Yes, but not about this.


Bah. My father and I have been predicting this since Harris stepped down. In fact, both of us were speculating on it earlier than that, when people were saying this would be Harris' last term in office. My father with glee, and me with horror, of course.

quote:
nonesuch, that's exactly what David Hume said! And so far, he's always been right! (Although he himself would have said that that proves nothing for tomorrow ...)

Ack! Hume! AAAAAARGGGGGGGGHHHHH...gurgle gurgle...chlthlthlthlth...


From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
clersal
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posted 31 December 2001 05:50 PM      Profile for clersal     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
That we will have a snow storm in the near future at least here.
From: Canton Marchand, Québec | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Too old to lie
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Babbler # 1979

posted 31 December 2001 08:47 PM      Profile for Too old to lie        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
My New Year's Prediction is that I will forget my New Year's Resolution by tomorrow.!

[ December 31, 2001: Message edited by: Too old to lie ]


From: Planet Titanic | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Dennis J.
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posted 31 December 2001 09:24 PM      Profile for Dennis J.   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I predict the demise of the NPI.

That's right, you heard it here first! Despite the bombastic rhetoric bravely put forth by certain unnamed individuals in the Nov.26 press conference - I hear from EXTRAORDINARILY RELIABLE INSIDE SOURCES that the Massive 61% rejection of the "Cafe Lait Putsch" overthrow attempt by Party Loyalists has sent a loud and clear message to the conspirators.

Check out the cabal's website at The NPI Homepage.

Do you see any updates? The timeline and summary haven't changed a bit! There's NOTHING new in "What's New", nor has their "Action Plan" changed one whit!

How long can it possible be before this website signs off the net forever? A week? A month? Stock Day be damnned, there's something to start a pool on! I pick February 15th. Any takers?


From: Regina, Saskatchewan, CANADA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
meades
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Babbler # 625

posted 31 December 2001 10:37 PM      Profile for meades     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
So much for civility

Anyway...

The government will once again offer to host a summit here in Canada that third world countries declined to host because they knew it would be violent and more trouble than it's worth. This will result in the Solicitor General sitting Jean Chrétien down to a little talk... "Jean, I know ya' likes trade summits- but policin' 'dem 'de way you'v been callin' for has soak-t'up my four year budget- three times over!..." (Yes, that is my best attempt at putting a PEI accent into writing)

[ December 31, 2001: Message edited by: meades ]


From: Sault Ste. Marie | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
oldgoat
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Babbler # 1130

posted 31 December 2001 11:20 PM      Profile for oldgoat     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Mel Lastman will apologise for something.

Jean Chretien will apologise for nothing.

Michael Coren will finally remove that energetic little stoat that's been scampering about in his sinuses.

We will have a new Pope. (at least I will)

I will be awakened before I wish to be awakened tomorrow.


From: The 10th circle | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
nonsuch
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posted 02 January 2002 08:41 AM      Profile for nonsuch     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
When that next economic summit hits (Where? Winnipeg, maybe: hard for protesters to get to.), whatever protesters do show up will be arrested under Bills C35-42, inclusive, and sentenced to community service: building new prisons on ex-national forest land, recently acquired by a development company, whose board of directors coincidentally made substantial political donations, and sold back to the government at a 1000% markup. The good news is that construction will be at least a year behind schedule, due to a shortage of skilled labour.

(I shouldn't have given up on reading philosophy so soon. In my ignorance, i'm having to make up my own, thus duplicating work already done.)

[ January 02, 2002: Message edited by: nonesuch ]


From: coming and going | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged

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