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Author Topic: Australia - Questions
tiddles
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posted 08 May 2005 05:43 PM      Profile for tiddles   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
These questions about Australia from potential visitors were posted on an
Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual response by the
Aussie website.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so
how do the plants grow? (UK)A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)A: Depends how much you've been drinking

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here &
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (Italy).

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney & is milk available all year round?
(Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


From: dark side of the moon | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
verbatim
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posted 08 May 2005 05:58 PM      Profile for verbatim   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Whew. I'm glad there are no Canadian questions in there. Because, you know, we already know everything there is to know about Australia.
From: The People's Republic of Cook Street | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
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posted 08 May 2005 06:15 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I don't believe that's real. But in any case, I didn't grow up with any pre-conceived notions of Australia at all. Well, except those engendered by Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo. I really liked the fact that the kid (what was his name?) only attended school by radio.
From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
verbatim
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posted 08 May 2005 06:30 PM      Profile for verbatim   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
We have a similar list for American tourists here in Victoria (BC, Canada), which is just as questionable. However, I did know a cab driver who would go his grave swearing he got into an argument with an American about whether she drove to the island from Vancouver. As in, without spending time on a ferry at any point.

However, having recently had an Australian living with me for seven weeks, I realize that I must have asked "do you have that in Australia" about a million times. Toward the end I just stopped asking, because it must have been excruciating.

School by radio, huh? Sounds good to me. Or it would have when I was a kid.


From: The People's Republic of Cook Street | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Américain Égalitaire
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posted 08 May 2005 06:33 PM      Profile for Américain Égalitaire   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I laughed myself into a head rush. But then I looked a little further into these "drop bears."

Do they really warn the tourists about them? Perhaps sell them "drop bear" hats for protection?

Drop Bears: A Warning from Australia

I found this picture googling "drop bear." They ARE rather evil looking things aren't they. Not to be confused with the koala.


From: Chardon, Ohio USA | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 08 May 2005 06:34 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Well, except those engendered by Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo. I really liked the fact that the kid (what was his name?) only attended school by radio.

Thank you, Hinterland. Whenever I've asked anyone of around my age if they remember that show, they've given me a funny look.

I was perfectly sure it was a real program, but it's still nice that someone else remembers.

quote:
I found this picture googling "drop bear." They ARE rather evil looking things aren't they. Not to be confused with the koala.

Positively sinister. Why, when we were visiting, one actually dropped a load of post-digestion eucalyptus residue (drop-bear shit, to use the technical jargon) all over our friend's shirt. I'm sure the fact that she was holding the critter at the time, preparatory to having a photo taken, had no influence on its attitude whatsoever.

[ 08 May 2005: Message edited by: 'lance ]


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
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posted 08 May 2005 06:46 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
It's an odd thing, 'lance. I grew up in a place where the CBC/Radio-Canada affiliate (the only channel) could decide whether to carry a programme or not. I remember the chairman of the affiliate saying, years later, that they chose to not carry the Brady Brunch because, in his words, he thought it was stupid. Consequently, I never heard of the Brady Bunch until well into my 'teens, long after it had been canceled.

I remember Skippy the Bush Kangaroo fondly. It resonated with people who live on the frontiers of civilisation.

[ 08 May 2005: Message edited by: Hinterland ]


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 08 May 2005 07:22 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
OK, Hinterland, speaking of the "frontiers of civilization" -- do you remember Adventures in Rainbow Country? It was probably my favourite program when it first came on.

I was startled a year or two ago to see it again on APTN.

[ 08 May 2005: Message edited by: 'lance ]


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Suzette
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posted 08 May 2005 07:33 PM      Profile for Suzette     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Hinterland: The kid in Skippy was called Sonny.

quote:
verbatim wrote:
However, having recently had an Australian living with me for seven weeks, I realize that I must have asked "do you have that in Australia" about a million times. Toward the end I just stopped asking, because it must have been excruciating.

Oh no, it wasn't excruciating. At. All.

Actually, during the three months I was out of Australia just recently, I was posed several questions of the above ilk, albeit with a milder dose of idiocy. One woman stopped the conversations of all those around her in the cafe in which we were sitting to announce loudly that I was from the same part of the country as Steve Irwin... like it was something to be proud of.

So anyway, just to clarify a few of those points above...

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: No, you need to go into the meat section of the supermarket to find them, which you will do, but on foam trays.

quote:
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
Yes, this is quite true, and something to bear in mind on your visit "Down Under", as all the locals love to call it. Cuddly, friendly snakes are attracted to bare skin, so it's advisable, when seeking a reptilian pet for your kids, to go bush walking in a pair of boots only. Actually, don't worry about the boots either, just hit the sticks in the buff.

Oh, and Drop Bears are real, make no mistake.


From: Pig City | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
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posted 08 May 2005 07:38 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Ah, yes. Sonny. Thank you, Suzette.

quote:
Do you remember Adventures in Rainbow Country? It was probably my favourite program when it first came on.

Oh, of course. Rainbow Country is the area from Elliot Lake to Manitoulin, which isn't far from where I grew up. But, the mother and the son on the television programme had these weird British accents. What was up with that?

[ 08 May 2005: Message edited by: Hinterland ]


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 08 May 2005 07:48 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Beats me. I must say, you have an amazing memory for this stuff.

quote:
Actually, during the three months I was out of Australia just recently, I was posed several questions of the above ilk, albeit with a milder dose of idiocy.

I was oddly disappointed, on a visit to San Francisco, not to be asked dumb questions about Canada. A bank teller did ask me, on seeing my British Columbia driver's licence, "what state is that?" But something told me she was a fairly recent immigrant to the US, so this was no big deal.


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
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posted 08 May 2005 07:52 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Beats me. I must say, you have an amazing memory for this stuff.

Two dysfunctional parents, one brainy kid with migraine headaches who got to stay home a lot from school, and a television with only one channel.


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 08 May 2005 07:56 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Migraines. Bleah.

We were only an hour's drive from Ottawa, and yet had only three (3) channels. Cable was available in Ottawa at that time, but I'm not sure one could get it in Valley towns.

< Yorkshireman >

Ah, but you try tellin' that to t' young people these days -- they won't believe you.

< /Yorkshireman >


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hephaestion
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posted 08 May 2005 08:09 PM      Profile for Hephaestion   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Well now you made me go look...

Adventures in Rainbow Country

quote:
A filmed drama series, produced by Ralph Ellis, and starring Lois Maxwell as Nancy Williams, Stephen Cottier as her son Billy and Susan Conway as her daughter Hannah. Other performers included Buckley Petawabano as Pete Gawa, Wally Koster as the bush pilot Dennis Mogubgub, Albert Millaire as Roger Lemieux, and Alan Mills as Dougal MacGregor.

The drama concentrated on the adventures of the teenager Billy and his Ojibway friend Pete in the bushland of northern Ontario. The series was highly publicized, capitalizing partly on the minor celebrity of Lois Maxwell ("Miss Moneypenny" in the James Bond pictures), and the casting of Wally Koster, a star of CBC musical variety productions, in a dramatic role. It was also an international co- production, enlisting Manitou Productions, the CBC, Television Films, Ltd. of Britain, and the Australian Broadcasting Company. The series met with critical disappointment.


It's funny, but even though I was no expert on that show (only vaguely recall it) I thought it was written by Paul St. Pierre and based on his stories out of the Chilcotin area of BC. Am I thinking of another show, or am I just dreaming?


From: goodbye... :-( | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
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posted 08 May 2005 08:18 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
The series met with critical disappointment.

Uh huh. This, from an industry that can't stop giving us Survivor. Rainbow Country might not have been the crowd-pleaser Brady Bunch was, but it was nowhere near as stupid as everything else American television churns out.

[ 08 May 2005: Message edited by: Hinterland ]


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 08 May 2005 08:38 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
...it was nowhere near as stupid as everything else American television churns out.

Rather faint praise, that.

OK, fellow Canuck TV fans d'un certain age: Hi-Diddle-Day. Anyone remember that one?


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
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posted 08 May 2005 08:44 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I'm going to start crying, 'lance; I'm overcome with nostalgia. I vaguely remember Hi-Diddle-Day. Didn't it feature a big tortoise?

Anyway, who remembers Bobino and his rude, puppet sister Bobinette? Or Quelle Famille?


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 08 May 2005 08:55 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
According to this, Hinterland (scroll down):

quote:
[Gertrude Diddle] lived in a Victorian house with a beagle named Basil, a 900 year old dragon called Durwood, Wolfgang the Wolf, and Chico the Crow.

I remember this better than the others. Clever show. I didn't know that Gertrude Diddle was "widely thought to be a satire of Ottawa mayor Charlotte Whitton."

But I do remember a skit involving puppets of Robert Bourassa and Jean Drapeau. Bourassa asks Drapeau, "Why are the Montreal Olympics like an American satellite?" (This was around 1975, when it was becoming evident that the Olympics were going to be a financial disaster). I dunno, says Drapeau. "Because it costs a billion and is up in the air," replies Bourassa. Not the best I've heard, but unusual stuff for a kids' show.

quote:
Anyway, who remembers Bobino and his rude, puppet sister Bobinette? Or Quelle Famille?

Evidently your affiliate showed both English and French programs. I didn't often watch the Radio-Canada station in Ottawa (CBUFT?), though I do vaguely remember a show aimed at English-speaking kids who were learning French.

[ 08 May 2005: Message edited by: 'lance ]


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
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posted 08 May 2005 09:11 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
So the tortoise wasn't on Hi-Diddle-Day? My memory is suffering a lapse here.

I was mistaken about my television memories. We had two channels, one English (from a local affiliate, run by a francophone, by the way) and a French one (from Toronto, I think...or maybe from Rouyn? I forget). But, when I was a kid, I barely understood that English and French were separate languages.

Edited: Oh, now I remember Hi-Diddle-Day. They were those ugly puppets, right? And the tortoise I believe might have been on Butternut Square, which became Mr. Dressup, no?

The show for bilingual kids was Chez Hélène. I loved the way Hélène never spoke English, and the other woman and the mouse (Suzie) always understood her. I also loved the Codco sketch where ancient CBC personalities stage a coup, and Hélène ends up cooking Suzie in the oven...Où est Suzie? Ah, la voilà; elle est toute crispe!...

[ 08 May 2005: Message edited by: Hinterland ]


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
Hephaestion
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posted 08 May 2005 10:41 PM      Profile for Hephaestion   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Arrrggg! Ya beat me, Hint... I was *just* about to post about Chez Hélène.
From: goodbye... :-( | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
sub lite
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posted 09 May 2005 06:57 AM      Profile for sub lite   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Suzette:
Oh, and Drop Bears are real, make no mistake.

*snerk* Yup, been hearing lots about those since I arrived here last year. Mind you, I get my fair share of strange questions about Canada.

Do you see moose when you're driving along in Vancouver? is probably one of my favourites.


From: Australia via the Canadian Wet Coast | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
maestro
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posted 09 May 2005 08:46 AM      Profile for maestro     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Another drop bear of obviously evil intent



From: Vancouver | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
'lance
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posted 09 May 2005 05:24 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Oh, now I remember Hi-Diddle-Day. They were those ugly puppets, right? And the tortoise I believe might have been on Butternut Square, which became Mr. Dressup, no?

Yes. But here we encounter our first generational divide. By the time I was watching TV, Butternut Square had already become Mr. Dressup.

Ugly puppets? I don't remember finding them so. I don't suppose the Drapeau puppet was especially flattering, but then Drapeau himself was, shall we say, not exactly René Simard (to pick a name from the era at random).


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Suzette
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posted 09 May 2005 07:52 PM      Profile for Suzette     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by sub lite:

*snerk* Yup, been hearing lots about those since I arrived here last year. Mind you, I get my fair share of strange questions about Canada.

Do you see moose when you're driving along in Vancouver? is probably one of my favourites.


Hmph, I didn't see ANY bears when I was in Canada. OR moose. Or beavers. Or RCMP gents. What a rip-off!

Where abouts in Australia are you, sub lite?

edited to add: that drop bear looks kind of nasty, but it's only a baby. As adults their claws and fangs are longer.

[ 09 May 2005: Message edited by: Suzette ]


From: Pig City | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
verbatim
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posted 09 May 2005 09:00 PM      Profile for verbatim   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Suzette:
Hmph, I didn't see ANY bears when I was in Canada. OR moose. Or beavers. Or RCMP gents. What a rip-off!

What nonsense! I know for a fact you walked along Government Street several times! There's no way you could have missed them.

From: The People's Republic of Cook Street | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
sub lite
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posted 10 May 2005 04:11 AM      Profile for sub lite   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Suzette:
Where abouts in Australia are you, sub lite?

Adelaide. Lots of drop bears around, especially when going for a walk in the hills around the city.

Not as scary, though, as the eight-legged 'friends' that turn up every now and then...


From: Australia via the Canadian Wet Coast | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged

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