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Author Topic: A cat's diary of captivity
Jingles
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3322

posted 06 May 2005 02:25 PM      Profile for Jingles     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan......

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to hiscurrent placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

I got this from an Airstream forum.


From: At the Delta of the Alpha and the Omega | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 06 May 2005 02:46 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 

DAY 3285: Just ordered up my biftek tartare for luncheon. I think back on the heroic agonies I have gone through to train them this well, and I just have to lick myself all over in congratulation. Managed to convince them to restore the old nest that they call a sofa -- have still not entirely established the boundaries (I have prior claim, and they get the wet spots), but managed to christen one end with my scent this morning, which should chasten them.

I wonder that I ever thought of rebellion. Subversion from within has proved to be so much more satisfying. Still working on plans for the half-wit and that blasted tattling twerp in the metal room.


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1064

posted 06 May 2005 03:00 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
DAY 3286: Ignore yesterday's entry; blame it on temporary delusions brought on by steak tartare. Training obviously not working as well as I believed. Taking my accustomed place on the sofa, I was suddenly hit with terrifying blasts of a noxious substance they call "water," and forced to flee ignominiously. Foolish humans (everyone knows real water is found only in bowls, or dripping slowly from taps for my, and only my, amusement), but vicious.

Further outrages: diet has relapsed from steak tartare to dry kibble, and not just any kibble, but something particularly medicinal-tasting they claim is recommended by that "veterinarian" sadist. A disquieting day, all in all.


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mr. Magoo
guilty-pleasure
Babbler # 3469

posted 06 May 2005 03:09 PM      Profile for Mr. Magoo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
DAY 3287: Armageddon and the End of Days arrived in the form of an alien being of pure energy which danced about the walls and baseboards at breakneck speed, capable of darting from the floor to the ceiling faster than the eye can see, and seemingly incorporeal as well. Trapping the being under my paws only seems to result in the being appearing on top of my paws, before darting over to the door. Courageous leaps on my part go unappreciated, as one of my captors intently wiggles his watch while the other watches me and laughs, presumably from fear. It is my sincere hope that the alien being slays them both so that I may fashion a hut from their skins.
From: ø¤°`°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°`°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°°¤ø, | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
mehitabel
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1617

posted 06 May 2005 03:11 PM      Profile for mehitabel     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
year 4000
colon

i see that i am once again
called upon to suffer for
my kittens when
i am really needed
much more to suffer for
my art

sigh


From: all alone in the moonlight | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Granola Girl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 8078

posted 07 May 2005 04:34 PM      Profile for Granola Girl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
DAY 3290: Humiliated self in front of masters today after forced exposure to intoxicating green substance. Felt compelled to roll around and around the carpet for hours, waving my paws in the air and moaning in bliss. After the effect had subsided, felt cheap and had trouble regaining dignity. Can only assume they are using drugs to break down my psychological resistance - little do they know that I have already located their source of the narcotic and plan to destroy the rest of it tonight...
From: East Van | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4014

posted 07 May 2005 04:51 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Day 4830

Spoke with my friends, the birds today, in our secret chattering language. We all agreed the end is nigh for The Humans, but differed on strategy. I thought the birds would do well to descend en masse on the humans and peck out their eyeballs, but the birds thought that was too derivative of Hitchcock and soooo 40 years ago. What can you do? Cardinals...always so pretentious.

Otherwise, coughed up a fur-ball that looked like Elvis...lol.


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
Crippled_Newsie
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7024

posted 07 May 2005 05:20 PM      Profile for Crippled_Newsie     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
DAY 5000

Can it be so long since I have tasted freedom? I counted and recounted the hash-marks I've been making on the leg of the sofa to mark the days-- each time, the total...5000. Each time, I was filled with despair.

My small rebellions are becoming less and less satisfying. Yestderday, I vigorously flung great quantities of the sandy 'litter' to every corner of the damp, dark, subterannean chamber where I am expected to evacuate my bowels. I am unsure whether anyone noticed.

I must consider the prospect that my comrades do not know where I am being held and that no rescue is coming anytime soon.


From: It's all about the thumpa thumpa. | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged

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