I laughed when I read it. Here it is:
Mr. Robert Livingston
PO Box 63299
Station BRM B
Toronto, ON M7Y 3B1
Dear Mr. Livingston:
Re: Capital One Mastercard
I am writing in response to the letter which I received from you inviting me to apply for a CapitalOne Mastercard.
I have received several invitations from CapitalOne, all of which I sent back with a brief note saying NO, and please donít write again. This time, I resolved to be a little more clear.
I think that CapitalOne is the worst credit card company in the world, and I would rather lie on a bed of nails and be eaten alive by carnivorous ants than ever get or use a CapitalOne Mastercard. I have this opinion due to the incompetent, insensitive and unhelpful service I consistently received while trying to settle the accounts of my uncle and stepfather, both of whom died with an outstanding balance on their CapitalOne Mastercards.
I do nothing but recommend to everyone I know that they NOT EVER get a CapitalOne Mastercard, or indeed have any dealings with you whatsoever. I sincerely hope that I am succeeding at deterring them. I have several nasty horror stories to tell of the grief I went through while trying to cancel the cards of my deceased family members, and I know that my stories make an impression on people.
Rather than spending money sending invitations to people who clearly donít want your business, why not put it into training your Customer Service Agents (who in my experience donít know any more about your company than I do), or re-organizing your voicemail system so that it is easier to use and engenders less frustration.