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Author Topic: Phone sex
Michelle
Moderator
Babbler # 560

posted 25 April 2003 02:59 PM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
So Audra and I were joking around a while back when I was talking about how I was looking for work in Toronto, that if I can't find anything and I get desperate, I'll start up a feminist phone sex line. I came up with a slogan:

"Call 1-900-555-5555 for some hot, egalitarian action!"

I'm thinking it probably wouldn't fly, but it was fun coming up with some scripts.


From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Mr. Magoo
guilty-pleasure
Babbler # 3469

posted 25 April 2003 03:27 PM      Profile for Mr. Magoo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Maybe you could work your Philosophy degree into it... offer something a little more cerebral:

Guy: Hey honey... howzabout we start with you grabbing my giant man-meat?

You: But we haven't even established the existence of a "man-meat" yet... nor that of any other "man-meat" against which yours can be evaluated as "giant".

Guy: Huh? Wha...?

You: Ontologically speaking, your belief in a giant "man-meat" is based on your sensory perception of said man-meat - a perception that is neither rooted in, nor speaks to, a common, shared reality...

Guy: But...

You: ... which itself may prove to be a meaningless construct when viewed as...

Phone: ((click))


From: ø¤°`°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°`°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°°¤ø, | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Michelle
Moderator
Babbler # 560

posted 25 April 2003 03:28 PM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Haha!

I'll call it the Pheminist Philosophy Phone Phun line.


From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1064

posted 25 April 2003 03:35 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Hey Michelle, except maybe for the feminist part, you're following in the illustrious footsteps of Woody Allen, in his story The Whore of Mensa.

quote:
"I'm on the road a lot. You know how it is - lonely. Oh, not what you're thinking. See, Kaiser, I'm basically an intellectual. Sure, a guy can meet all the bimbos he wants. But the really brainy women - they're not so easy to find on short notice."

"Keep talking."

"Well, I heard of this young girl. Eighteen years old. A Yassar student. For a price, she'll come over and discuss any subject - Proust, Yeats, anthropology. Exchange of ideas. You see what I'm driving at?"

"Not exactly."

"I mean my wife is great, don't get me wrong. But she won't discuss Pound with me. Or Eliot. I didn't know that when I married her. See, I need a woman who's mentally stimulating, Kaiser. And I'm willing to pay for it. I don't want an involvement - I want a quick intellectual experience, then I want the girl to leave. Christ, Kaiser, I'm a happily married man."

...

"Hi, I'm Sherry." They really knew how to appeal to your fantasies. Long, straight hair, leather bag, silver earrings, no make-up.

"I'm surprised you weren't stopped, walking into the hotel dressed like that," I said. "The house dick can usually spot an intellectual."

"A five-spot cools him."

"Shall we begin?" I said, motioning her to the couch. She lit a cigarette and got right to it. "I think we could start by approaching Billy Budd as Melville's justification of the ways of God to man, n'est-ce pas?"

"Interestingly, though, not in a Miltonian sense." I was bluffing. I wanted to see if she'd go for it.

"No. Paradise Lost lacked the substructure of pessimism." She did.

"Right, right. God, you're right," I murmured.

"I think Melville reaffirmed the virtues of innocence in a naive yet sophisticated sense - don't you agree?" I let her go on. She was barely nineteen years old, but already she had developed the hardened facility of the pseudo-intellectual. She rattled off her ideas glibly, but it was all mechanical. Whenever I offered an insight, she faked a response: "Oh yes, Kaiser. Yes, baby, that's deep. A platonic comprehension of Christianity - why didn't I see it before?" We talked for about an hour and then she said she had to go. She stood up and I laid a C-note on her.

"Thanks, honey."

"There's plenty more where that came from."


Etc., etc. Priceless.


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Michelle
Moderator
Babbler # 560

posted 25 April 2003 03:38 PM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
HA! That's excellent!

I wasn't thinking of the whole issue quite so cerebrally though. I ws thinking more along the lines of,

Guy: Hello?
Me (throaty voice): Hey handsome, what do you want to do first - help me wash the dishes or do the vacuuming?
Guy: Uh...
Me: Oh yes! Push that vacuum with those big strong arms of yours!

etc. and so forth...


From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1064

posted 25 April 2003 03:42 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
"... I love the way you scrub and scrub those pots, and then I just die for that hot, flowing rinse..."

Ahem. This may prove to be a rather, ah, specialized market, Michelle. But by all means, go for it!

[ 25 April 2003: Message edited by: 'lance ]


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 25 April 2003 03:48 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
I don't want an involvement - I want a quick intellectual experience,

Y'know, the other day I was thinking just this very thing about why I love babble.

Of course I'm not that shallow ...


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
dale cooper
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2946

posted 25 April 2003 03:49 PM      Profile for dale cooper     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I died the first time I read this

This is neither intellectual or pheminist, but I was on the floor the first time I read it.

The second time, it wasn't so funny - so maybe it was a temporal thing....


From: Another place | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Doug
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 44

posted 25 April 2003 04:30 PM      Profile for Doug   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I could start a phone sex line for women along those lines.

"I'm going to do your dishes with HOT water...and then I'll clean your living room and take out all the trash, you dirty, dirty girl!"


From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1064

posted 25 April 2003 04:32 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Well, a friend of mine (female) said lots of women have a fantasy involving two men -- one to cook, one to clean...
From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 25 April 2003 04:33 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Hmmn. He's local, too.

This has to be by phone, does it, Doug?


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
'lance
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1064

posted 25 April 2003 04:36 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Faithless deceiver!
From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Michelle
Moderator
Babbler # 560

posted 25 April 2003 04:48 PM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Dale, that WAS pretty funny. But you're right, it would probably get old on subsequent readings.

When I was around 19 or 20, my best friend (a guy) and I called a phone sex line out of curiosity - neither of us had ever done so before (well, I hadn't, and he SAID he hadn't). We tried to decide whether I should make the call or he should. Of course I ended up doing it and we turned on his answering machine to tape the call for laughs later. He was sitting next to me the whole time.

So I get "Francis". "Francis" was wearing black bikini underwear. My friend heard this and just about died of suppressed laughter. "Francis" used a low, husky voice throughout the call. So he asks me what I'm wearing, and I think at this point my friend picked up another phone line.

So anyhow, this guy starts describing what he's paid to describe and I'm blushing about 40 different shades of red. And of course, I have to make some kind of response! I probably sounded authentic because my voice was strangled from trying not to laugh. I was doubled over nearly the whole time.

Anyhow, the worst part was when I realized, um, there's a certain way that the call is supposed to, well, finish. And I thought, no way. I can't do that, can't fake it, not a chance. And there's my friend, egging me on, trying to get me to do so. So finally, I made some kind of half-hearted attempt at doing so, with my friend rolling on the floor (literally!) laughing about it. Then I was, like, "Um, I've got to go" and put the receiver down.

We must have laughed for half an hour straight after I hung up.


From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged

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