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Author Topic: John Cleese's Axis of evil
Babbler # 2475

posted 24 March 2003 09:37 PM      Profile for rob.leblanc     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Axis of Evil Wannabees
By John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the “Axis of Just as Evil,” which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right. They are just as evil ... in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody knows we’re the best evils ... best at being evil ... we’re the best.”

Diplomats from Syria denied that they were jealous over being excluded, though they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. “They told us it was full,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. “An axis can’t have more than three countries,” explained Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein. “This is not my rule; it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.”

International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the “Axis of Somewhat Evil,” forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the “Axis of Occasionally Evil,” while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the “Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable.”

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador and Rwanda applied to be called the “Axis of Countries That Aren’t the Worst but Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics.”

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the “Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice but Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America,” while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the “Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick.” “That’s not a threat, really, just something we like to do,” said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren’t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, though he rejected the establishment of the “Axis of Countries Whose Names End in ‘Guay,’ ” accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn’t want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that’s only because no one asked them.

From: Where am I? Where are YOU? | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Babbler # 560

posted 24 March 2003 09:57 PM      Profile for Michelle   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
That's actually an Onion article, I think, isn't it? Oh no wait. I think it's Satirewire.

Yes. Here it is:

From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Babbler # 2230

posted 24 March 2003 11:37 PM      Profile for Mycroft_     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 

Author's note: Strangely enow, this SatireWire story lately has been zipping around the 'Net attributed to John Cleese. That's flattering and funny and all, but now I'm getting so many emails asking who "really" wrote it that it will make my life easier to nip it here. I apologize for any disappoinment, but the story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002, and was subsequently published in several major newspapers, including this version still available at The Washington Post. So that's the deal. All the best -- Andrew.

Perhaps people think John Cleese needs a boost after all the attention Terry Jones has been getting for his letters ot the Guardian?

From: Toronto | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
audra trower williams
Babbler # 2

posted 25 March 2003 12:39 PM      Profile for audra trower williams   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Closing this, carry on here.
From: And I'm a look you in the eye for every bar of the chorus | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged

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