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Author Topic: Political Limericks
Judes
publisher
Babbler # 21

posted 28 April 2005 04:11 PM      Profile for Judes   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
CBC has asked me to come up with a limerick to describe the current political situation. So here's what I came up and I need help on one. There will be a contest so get your juices flowing

There once was PM named Martin
Wanted power so bad he was smartin
He was mean to his friends to achieve all his ends
And now from his perch he’ll be partin.

There once was a man from Shawinigan
Still thinking of ways he can grinnagin
In trying to woo Quebec voters he blew
The chance that Paul Martin might winnagin

Here's the one I need help with. I came up with a great opening but can't figure out how to close

There once was a smart finance minister
Who ignored all the things that were sinister


From: Toronto | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Briguy
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1885

posted 28 April 2005 04:17 PM      Profile for Briguy     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
There's a daddy's boy named Paul Martin
Who's budgets left Canadians smartin'
He gutted healthcare,
Gave education a scare
Goddammit! Nothing else rhymes with Martin!

I wrote that last line as a joke, but it really captures my angst.


From: No one is arguing that we should run the space program based on Physics 101. | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
N.Beltov
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4140

posted 28 April 2005 04:22 PM      Profile for N.Beltov   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
quote:
Briguy: Goddammit! Nothing else rhymes with Martin.

How about " fartin' " ?


From: Vancouver Island | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 28 April 2005 04:25 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Judes, for the third one, can you do something with

quote:
Lloydminister

Lloydminster sits on the Sask/Alta border ... and playing with "minster" is the only rhyme I can think of so far.


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
lagatta
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2534

posted 28 April 2005 04:26 PM      Profile for lagatta     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
I was also thinking "fartin' ", but also phrasal verbs and expressions ending with in - some could be appropriately off-colour:

fart in
cart in (phrasal verb)
tart in
part in
Bart (Simpson) in
dart in (phrasal verb)
start in (phrasal verb)

Judes and skdadl, as for Lloydminster, BWAGA members should have thought of "spinster"

[ 28 April 2005: Message edited by: lagatta ]


From: Se non ora, quando? | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Melsky
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4748

posted 28 April 2005 04:30 PM      Profile for Melsky   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
With a little poetic license, you could use pardon with Martin.
From: Toronto | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
sock puppet
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7739

posted 28 April 2005 04:32 PM      Profile for sock puppet   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
The new Liberal leader named Martin
never realized what he was startin'
The Gomery Inquiry,
it quickly turned fiery -
and the country it soon would dishearten

From: toronto | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
AppleSeed
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 8513

posted 28 April 2005 04:39 PM      Profile for AppleSeed     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
There once was a Minister Martin
Whose budgets were stingy and spartan
With concepts so foreign
He locked up his sporran
And stinted our kilt and our tartan.

From: In Dreams | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
awkward silence
recent-rabble-rouser
Babbler # 8995

posted 28 April 2005 04:45 PM      Profile for awkward silence     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
quote:
There once was a smart finance minister
Who ignored all the things that were sinister

He'll captain the boat, up until the next vote
When the public will say Paul you're finished, sir.

[ 28 April 2005: Message edited by: awkward silence ]


From: toronto | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
Contrarian
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6477

posted 28 April 2005 04:46 PM      Profile for Contrarian     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
quote:
There once was a smart finance minister
Who ignored all the things that were sinister

He called on a judge
To be clear and not fudge
And soon the whole country was in a stir

I think the middle needs work.

[ 28 April 2005: Message edited by: Contrarian ]


From: pretty far west | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 28 April 2005 04:55 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
"in a stir" is good. That one is hard.

But I also like "spinister." Great inspiration, lagatta. But what would Paul Martin have to do with spinsters?

Ah ...


From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
lagatta
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2534

posted 28 April 2005 05:02 PM      Profile for lagatta     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Duceppe:

crêpe
hep
schlepp
NEP (New Economic Policy - in post-revolution Soviet Russia, allowing for small private firms)...


From: Se non ora, quando? | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
sock puppet
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7739

posted 28 April 2005 05:03 PM      Profile for sock puppet   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Check this out.
From: toronto | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
Mr. Magoo
guilty-pleasure
Babbler # 3469

posted 28 April 2005 05:06 PM      Profile for Mr. Magoo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
The Minister of Finance was smart
He made hiding his dealings an art
But he finally got caught,
And was put on the spot
And his big ball of lies fell apart.


The Minister of Finance was shrewd
Though his methods were often quite crude
He'd tell lie after lie
Interspersed with deny
And a smile, if he's in the right mood.


The Minister of Finance had brains
Which he used for political gains
But some scandalous ads
Plus his long list of bads
Will mean his legacy's all that remains.

Not my finest work.


From: ø¤°`°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°`°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°°¤ø,¸_¸,ø¤°°¤ø, | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
lagatta
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2534

posted 28 April 2005 05:07 PM      Profile for lagatta     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Judes, does it have to be the Canadian political situation? The names of the candidates in the UK elections are far more fun.

Blair
Brown (not a candidate, obviously, but Blair's FM who wants the PMs job as Martin did Chrétien's)...
Howard
Kennedy
Galloway ...

Not to mention "liar" (Blair) and "bigot" (Howard)...

[ 28 April 2005: Message edited by: lagatta ]


From: Se non ora, quando? | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Contrarian
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6477

posted 28 April 2005 05:15 PM      Profile for Contrarian     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
quote:
Originally posted by lagatta:
NEP (New Economic Policy - in post-revolution Soviet Russia, allowing for small private firms)

Out west it means National Energy Program (hiss, hiss!)

From: pretty far west | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4014

posted 28 April 2005 05:18 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post
I hate limericks. Also, I'm blocking at "politics" and "turning tricks", and "power" and "golden shower."

That's all I got.


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
Sharon
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4090

posted 28 April 2005 05:23 PM      Profile for Sharon     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
I would like to commend all of you on your contributions -- if only for the simple reason that all your poems are actually LIMERICKS! In most limerick contests, the entries are just all over the poetry map. So thank you, one and all. Carry on.
From: Halifax, Nova Scotia | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Contrarian
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6477

posted 28 April 2005 05:23 PM      Profile for Contrarian     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
ticks
hicks
flics [as in les flics?]

bower
cower
tower

Edited to delete redundancies.

[ 28 April 2005: Message edited by: Contrarian ]


From: pretty far west | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Contrarian
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6477

posted 28 April 2005 05:29 PM      Profile for Contrarian     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
And he said to the judge "Please don't spin it sir."

Let's hear you get your tongue around that.


From: pretty far west | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
lagatta
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2534

posted 28 April 2005 05:51 PM      Profile for lagatta     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
One about the UK elections (Michael Howard, the son of a refugee from Nazism, is centring his campaign around anti-immigrant bigotry).

It's said that the Tory named Howard
had nightmares in which he just cowered
in fear for his life
at the boots and the knife
of the bigoted thugs he'd empowered.


From: Se non ora, quando? | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
kuri
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4202

posted 28 April 2005 05:55 PM      Profile for kuri   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
That's a good one, lagatta!
From: an employer more progressive than rabble.ca | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
Denner
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3661

posted 28 April 2005 06:02 PM      Profile for Denner     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Judes, how about;

"There once was a smart finance minister
Who ignored all things that were sinister
'Though it was agreed
A law was in need
To punish those who would falsely administer."

(Or "Until it was agreed"-depending on how you want that finance minister to 'appear'to the public eye..)


From: British Columbia | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Hinterland
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4014

posted 28 April 2005 06:15 PM      Profile for Hinterland        Edit/Delete Post
An hommage to the politico named Paulie
Whose patrie had become such a folly
"Managerial skills!", he opined to the shills
and licked his chops at a trough-full of lolly.

[ 28 April 2005: Message edited by: Hinterland ]


From: Québec/Ontario | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
K Connor
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 8236

posted 28 April 2005 06:37 PM      Profile for K Connor        Edit/Delete Post
Once a smart minister of finance,
in his quest to achieve dominance,
failed to notice the graft
in the sponsorship draft,
now the voters on him look askance

From: Montreal | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
'lance
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 1064

posted 27 September 2005 09:23 PM      Profile for 'lance     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Bump.

quote:
Originally posted by lagatta:
Judes, does it have to be the Canadian political situation?

This was in the London Review of Books. Guy Liddell, then head of counter-espionage for MI5, wrote it in his diary in 1940.

"An elderly statesman with gout,
When asked what the war was about,
In a written reply
Said 'My colleagues and I
Are doing our best to find out.'"

[ 27 September 2005: Message edited by: 'lance ]


From: that enchanted place on the top of the Forest | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Aristotleded24
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 9327

posted 01 October 2005 09:46 PM      Profile for Aristotleded24   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
I've got one that's particular to Manitoba:

There once was a Premier named Gary
His government cutbacks were scary
In the year 99
We said it was time
To vote NDP leader Gary


From: Winnipeg | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged
outlandist
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 10253

posted 01 October 2005 11:38 PM      Profile for outlandist        Edit/Delete Post
Once a candidate named Hale
Had his chest tattooed in policy detail
And upon his behind
For the sake of the blind
He had the same done in braille

From: ontario | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
maestro
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7842

posted 02 October 2005 01:54 AM      Profile for maestro     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
There once was shrewd finance minister
Whose thinking tended to sinister
In a move quite despotic
And oh so nepotic
He gave bureau jobs to his kinister

From: Vancouver | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
maestro
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7842

posted 02 October 2005 02:03 AM      Profile for maestro     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
There once was a smart finance minister
Who ignored all the things that were sinister
While the house was in session
He gave the impression
Of a man with a shell for a skinister

From: Vancouver | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
Raos
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 5702

posted 02 October 2005 02:57 AM      Profile for Raos     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
There once was a great news broadcaster
And of Canuck truth it was master
But with workers locked out
We're all forced to shout
Can you kill public discourse much faster?

From: Sweet home Alaberta | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
obscurantist
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 8238

posted 02 October 2005 03:23 PM      Profile for obscurantist     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
quote:
Originally posted by Raos:
There once was a great news broadcaster
And of Canuck truth it was master
But with workers locked out
We're all forced to shout
Can you kill public discourse much faster?

That's absolutely brilliantly spot-on, I'm sorry to say.


From: an unweeded garden | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 02 October 2005 03:30 PM      Profile for skdadl     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Yes -- well done, Raos.
From: gone | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sean Tisdall
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3465

posted 02 October 2005 11:06 PM      Profile for Sean Tisdall   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
The depth of Steve Harper's outrage
and of Peter who's waits just off-stage
perpetually rolls
on Gom'rey and polls
And Canuck's long for Stanfield's age

From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, Dimension XY | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
West Coast Greeny
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6874

posted 03 October 2005 01:46 PM      Profile for West Coast Greeny     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
There once was a man named MacKay
Conservatives want him to stay
But their party's is sinking
and Stephen Harper's stinking
So he'll probably move away.

[Now, what rhymes with Stronach?]

[ 03 October 2005: Message edited by: West Coast Greeny ]


From: Ewe of eh. | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sean Tisdall
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3465

posted 03 October 2005 03:14 PM      Profile for Sean Tisdall   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
either 'ack' Fall-back, attack, take flack,
or ick panic, manic, tannic (as in tea leaves)

From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, Dimension XY | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
mimsy
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4337

posted 04 October 2005 05:30 AM      Profile for mimsy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
quote:
Originally posted by West Coast Greeny:
[Now, what rhymes with Stronach?]

go back, whack
monarch (use Bostonian accent)
"Stronach, She" with "monarchy"

downright entertaining!

[ 04 October 2005: Message edited by: mimsy ]


From: mon pays ce n'est pas un pays, c'est la terre | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Aristotleded24
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 9327

posted 12 November 2005 11:04 PM      Profile for Aristotleded24   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
I've got a limerick to dedicate to the good folks of Saskatchewan:

There was a government Devine
It turned out that they were all swine
The cab'net was caught
In a grand scheme of fraud
And now they're doing hard time.


From: Winnipeg | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged
V. Jara
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 9193

posted 13 November 2005 05:33 AM      Profile for V. Jara     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Raos' is the best.

Great one too, Aristotle.


From: - | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged
Hephaestion
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4795

posted 13 November 2005 09:22 AM      Profile for Hephaestion   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post
Okay, took me awhile, but here goes...

*ahem*


There once was a PM named Paulie

Who said "Let me be clear, by gosh-golly,

Carolyn's getting the sack

For that personal crack

Not for stomping that gawd-damn Bush dolly."


But Carolyn was very sore pissed

And her scorn for her old boss was grist

For the National Post hacks

And Parliament Hill flacks

And even Taber, who caught most of the gist.


"I'll be Independent" she vowed

"And to hell with Paul and his crowd;

For the budget to pass,

Paul will have to kiss ass!"

(But she might fall in line, she allowed.)


The night of the budget vote came

All were there, even halt, blind and lame

But when they moved to adopt

The "overthrow" flopped

For which Cadman got credit (and blame).


But it couldn't have worked without Jack

Who said, "Paul, here's the votes that you lack.

But I want social spending,

And unless you start bending

You'd best go to Sussex and pack."


So the government lived on a bit,

Operating in starts and in fits.

In spite of Stevie's hysterics

And dire warnings from clerics

An SSM law was at last writ.


But then came the findings from Gomery

That aired all this grubby Grit laundry--

"Paul is likely a goof,

But if he knew, there's no proof"

Which left Jack in a bit of a quandary.


"After making you share out the wealth,"

Jack said, "Paulie, I want to talk health,"

But Paul had got cocky,

Negotiations were rocky

So Jack said, "Paulie, go screw yourself."


"I can no longer support all these guys;

They're corrupt and tell outrageous lies.

It's their own grave they've dug

And I'm pulling the plug;

It's time that this Parliament dies."


Little Stevie was stricken with panic

This was not turning out like he'd planned it

"You do it! Not me!"

He said (wanting to flee,

For his poll numbers had him quite frantic.)


But Jack was much smarter than that

And smoothly avoided the trap

Of a Christmas election

By the simple suggestion

Of a vote after the holiday passed.


So now Stevie looks like a prat,

And Gilles grins like a Cheshire Cat.

Jack's smile is steady

As he says "If you're ready,

Let's flush out this cornered old rat."


.... and the game continues.



From: goodbye... :-( | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
Contrarian
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6477

posted 13 November 2005 01:06 PM      Profile for Contrarian     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
What a brilliant epic!
From: pretty far west | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Soul Rebel
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 10035

posted 14 November 2005 02:20 PM      Profile for Soul Rebel        Edit/Delete Post
There once was a Tory named Steve,
Gay wedding for him? Such a peeve!
So he swore to replace the Charter,
With something holier and smarter,
From him, KKK could learn how to deceive.

From: Calgary | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
West Coast Tiger
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 10186

posted 14 November 2005 07:41 PM      Profile for West Coast Tiger     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
quote:
Originally posted by Hephaestion:
Okay, took me awhile, but here goes...

*ahem*

There once was a PM named Paulie

Who said "Let me be clear, by gosh-golly,

Carolyn's getting the sack

For that personal crack

Not for stomping that gawd-damn Bush dolly."

But Carolyn was very sore pissed

And her scorn for her old boss was grist

For the National Post hacks

And Parliament Hill flacks

And even Taber, who caught most of the gist.

"I'll be Independent" she vowed

"And to hell with Paul and his crowd;

For the budget to pass,

Paul will have to kiss ass!"

(But she might fall in line, she allowed.)

The night of the budget vote came

All were there, even halt, blind and lame

But when they moved to adopt

The "overthrow" flopped

For which Cadman got credit (and blame).

But it couldn't have worked without Jack

Who said, "Paul, here's the votes that you lack.

But I want social spending,

And unless you start bending

You'd best go to Sussex and pack."

So the government lived on a bit,

Operating in starts and in fits.

In spite of Stevie's hysterics

And dire warnings from clerics

An SSM law was at last writ.

But then came the findings from Gomery

That aired all this grubby Grit laundry--

"Paul is likely a goof,

But if he knew, there's no proof"

Which left Jack in a bit of a quandary.

"After making you share out the wealth,"

Jack said, "Paulie, I want to talk health,"

But Paul had got cocky,

Negotiations were rocky

So Jack said, "Paulie, go screw yourself."

"I can no longer support all these guys;

They're corrupt and tell outrageous lies.

It's their own grave they've dug

And I'm pulling the plug;

It's time that this Parliament dies."

Little Stevie was stricken with panic

This was not turning out like he'd planned it

"You do it! Not me!"

He said (wanting to flee,

For his poll numbers had him quite frantic.)

But Jack was much smarter than that

And smoothly avoided the trap

Of a Christmas election

By the simple suggestion

Of a vote after the holiday passed.

So now Stevie looks like a prat,

And Gilles grins like a Cheshire Cat.

Jack's smile is steady

As he says "If you're ready,

Let's flush out this cornered old rat."

.... and the game continues.


Heph,

You think the Georgia Straight in Van might like a copy of that masterpiece??? I do.


From: I never was and never will be a Conservative | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Hephaestion
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4795

posted 14 November 2005 07:45 PM      Profile for Hephaestion   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post
WCT:

Heh. Maybe. You know anyone there?

From: goodbye... :-( | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
West Coast Tiger
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 10186

posted 14 November 2005 07:56 PM      Profile for West Coast Tiger     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Nope. But I'd send it in anyway, if I were you. Worst they can say is "no". In fact, I'd send it in to a few places... It's quite good.

Edited to add: Maybe a few Babblers have some 'connections' in the media. Anybody?

[ 14 November 2005: Message edited by: West Coast Tiger ]


From: I never was and never will be a Conservative | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Raos
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 5702

posted 14 November 2005 09:44 PM      Profile for Raos     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
Yah, Heph, that is one outstanding epic. I'd definitely send it in, if I were you.
From: Sweet home Alaberta | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Ken Burch
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 8346

posted 14 November 2005 11:38 PM      Profile for Ken Burch     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post
(an American political limerick series, so far)

There was a cowyuppie named Dub
Who often did stumble and flub
'til they bought him a job
helping rich white guys rob
fleece and bomb half the world, "that's the rub".

George Dub says he's been "born again"
Thinks marriage for gays is a sin.
But his kids' rendition
of HIS old tradition
is to be nightly picked in gin.

See, that cowpoke's "no cattle, all hat"
Spent four years at Yale, passed out flat.
Daddy's friends greased the skids
For the fortunate kid
Then they throw out our votes, just like that.

(this is a work in progress)


From: A seedy truckstop on the Information Superhighway | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Hephaestion
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4795

posted 15 November 2005 03:27 AM      Profile for Hephaestion   Author's Homepage        Edit/Delete Post
I've been pondering it; maybe I'll send it in to the Straight and The Tyee as well. (It's likely too long for the Grope 'n Flail to consider, though. Anybody have other suggestions?

(Maybe I'll send it to Jack's office, just for fun.)

From: goodbye... :-( | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged

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